Self-Care & Coping Toolkit

The 5-4-3-2-1 grounding method

When panic rises or a flashback takes hold, this brings you back to the present. Stop, and slowly notice:

Other gentle ways to re-anchor

Movement: stamp your feet and feel the floor, shake out your hands, stand and feel your weight settle through your legs.

Touch: hold something textured — a soft jumper, a smooth stone, a pet’s fur. A weighted blanket on your lap can feel steadying.

Sound & focus: play familiar music and follow it, describe a detailed picture out loud, or count slowly backwards from 100.

Box breathing

Repeat four or five times.

4-7-8 breathing

Repeat about four times.

Belly breathing

One hand on your chest, one on your belly. Breathe in slowly through your nose and feel your belly — not your chest — expand. Breathe out slowly through your mouth, and continue for a few minutes.

Triggers differ for everyone — a smell, a raised voice, an anniversary, a feeling of being trapped. Keeping a short log (what triggered you, where, what helped) reveals patterns, and patterns let you prepare.

A trigger action plan

• Notice early signs — tension in your shoulders or jaw, racing heart, shallow breathing.
• Use grounding — practise your techniques while calm so they come easily when you’re not.
• Create distance — excuse yourself, step outside, leave if you can. You’re allowed to.
• Reach for support — keep two or three trusted people to call or text.
• Self-soothe, then process — be gentle; being triggered isn’t a failure. Triggers lessen with time.

And it’s completely okay to avoid triggers while you heal — to skip an event or say no to something that’s too much. You can work through them with a therapist when you’re ready.

Writing helps you process emotion, track progress, and notice patterns. There’s no right way — sentences, lists, doodles, letters you’ll never send. If safety is a concern, use a password-protected app or keep a journal well hidden.

Prompts to start with

• How am I feeling right now? What was hard today? What am I proud of?
• One thing I did to care for myself. A moment I felt strong.
• What I’d tell my younger self. The ways I’ve survived.
• Where do I want to be in a year? What small step can I take tomorrow?

Trauma often lives in parts of the brain that don’t deal in words, so creative expression helps too — art, poetry, music, dance, gardening, baking. No talent required. This is about expression, not perfection.

A “safe place” visualisation gives your mind somewhere calm to go when the present feels too much. It can be real or imagined — a beach, a forest clearing, a cosy room, a hillside. Settle somewhere comfortable, take a few slow breaths, and build it with your senses:

It can help to give your place a name or a word. Saying it quietly to yourself can become a shortcut back whenever you need it.

After abuse, the inner critic is often loud — frequently echoing words that were once said to you. You don’t have to believe it. When you notice harsh self-talk, pause and ask: is this true? is it helpful? would I say it to someone I love? Then try gently reframing it.

A simple practice for hard moments: place a hand on your heart, and offer yourself what you’d offer a friend — this is really hard right now. I’m doing the best I can. May I be gentle with myself. Self-compassion isn’t letting yourself off the hook; it’s the steadier ground that healing grows from.

Trauma lives in the body, so physical care helps rebuild safety. Rest even when sleep is hard, eat regular meals even if small, and move in ways that feel good rather than punishing. Keep up with your GP and any medication. Be mindful that alcohol and drugs tend to make trauma symptoms worse over time — if coping is becoming difficult, that’s worth reaching out about, without shame.

Releasing tension

Progressive muscle relaxation: gently tense each muscle group for a few seconds, then release and notice the difference, working from toes to head. Gentle self-massage, trauma-informed yoga, or a body-scan meditation can help you reconnect at your own pace.

Letting emotions move

All emotions are valid — including numbness. You don’t have to “get over it” on anyone’s timeline. When feelings overwhelm, try a container visualisation: picture a strong box, place the feelings inside, close it securely, knowing you can open it later when you’re ready. Then: name it, validate it, breathe through it, reach out if needed.

Boundaries are the limits you set to protect your wellbeing. Identify what you need, communicate it clearly (“I need…”, “I’m not comfortable with…”), and don’t feel you must over-explain — no is a complete sentence. Enforce them consistently, and expect some pushback from people used to you having none; pushback doesn’t mean the boundary is wrong.

Common boundaries after abuse: not discussing what happened with certain people, limiting contact with those who defend the person who harmed you, declining last-minute plans when you need predictability, and blocking or muting on social media. Boundaries are self-preservation, not selfishness.

For connection, quality matters more than quantity — a small, supportive circle is plenty. Solitude to recharge is healthy; isolation that quietly disconnects you from everyone is worth noticing. If you feel cut off, reach out to someone you trust.