Two Years On: The Day I Met Jackie

(Names changed where indicated)

Originally written: July 2024
Reviewed & archived: January 2026

Content Warning

This post references police investigations, institutional scrutiny, and the psychological impact of retraumatisation. It may be distressing for survivors of abuse or those affected by professional misconduct.

Two Years On — Archive Note

As part of the Two Years On series, this entry has been reviewed for archival publication. It was written during a period of acute stress, while events were still unfolding and outcomes were unclear.

I am not rewriting history.
The original blogs remain stored and unpublished on my former site.
What follows is a contemporaneous account, shared now with distance and clarity. My understanding has evolved, but the experience itself has not changed.

Two Years On: Before the Questions Began

Two years on, what stays with me is not just what happened, but how clearly I remember it.

For years, I had been made to question my own memory. That doubt followed me long after I left. But the past two years have taught me something I can no longer be argued out of.

My memory is not broken.

I remember the details because I was living in survival mode. Every interaction mattered. Every email, every police attendance, every phone call carried weight. I was not confused. I was documenting because I had already learned that if I did not create the record myself, the record might not exist at all.

Before Jackie arrived, I had barely slept. I was cross-referencing timelines, disclosures and conduct concerns, trying to understand how I had been positioned as the “victim” of a crime I did not believe had occurred, while my rights as an actual victim of domestic abuse had already been stripped away.

That is the part I still come back to.

Integrity had become suspicious.

Professional competence had become questionable.

And the person who had tried to protect my children was being examined in a way that others, whose actions had caused real harm, did not appear to be.

This was not theoretical to me. It was my life. My children’s safety. My credibility. My trust in the system.

Jackie had a clear role that day. She was there as part of the investigation. Ordinarily, that should have made me guarded.

But I remember how she listened.

Not performatively. Not defensively. Not like someone trying to reduce me to a statement or a risk category.

She listened like she understood there was a wider context.

That mattered.

Despite everything that followed, and despite what others later thought or said, I have never moved away from what I witnessed in her actions.

Integrity.

I still stand by that.

📅 29th July 2024

The Day Jackie Arrived

Jackie was calm, professional and kind.

That somehow made the day both grounding and unbearable.

Some of her questions took me back into months I had survived only by not fully feeling them. I had spent so long functioning, documenting, evidencing, explaining, chasing and trying to stay upright that being asked to revisit it all again felt like being dragged back through something I was still inside.

Then, in the middle of all of it, my youngest decided it was time for their surprise.

They appeared in a dress, proud and glowing, waiting for the reaction. Jackie and her colleague covered their eyes, playing along without hesitation. Then came the twist. I was handed an Anna dress from Frozen and informed, with complete certainty, that I had to wear it too.

So there I sat, dressed as Anna, while investigators asked whether I might be a victim of something I could barely comprehend.

The absurdity of it and the weight of it existed in exactly the same moment.

I struggled to understand why ordinary professional conversations about motorbikes, music, safeguarding processes and police procedure suddenly needed to be reinterpreted as something else. The suggestion seemed to be that mutual professional respect was not believable unless it concealed another motive.

That was difficult to process.

Not because safeguarding should not be taken seriously. It absolutely should. But because the contrast was impossible to ignore.

My children and I had already experienced catastrophic failures from the same force. Abuse had continued. Safeguarding had failed. My victim status had been removed. I had been passed from officer to officer. I had genuinely believed my case had been referred to the CPS, only to later discover that was not true.

And now, somehow, the scrutiny appeared to be directed at the one officer who had actually tried to act.

That contrast has never left me.

What I Knew and What I Needed to Know

Before the meeting, I went through every email and message exchanged between Sergeant Smith and me.

Line by line.

I did not believe the allegations against him. But after everything that had already happened, the lies, the failures and the removal of my victim status, I needed to be certain. My trust had been damaged too many times. I needed to know it had not failed me again.

At that point, life felt relentless in a way I still do not have adequate words for.

I had been followed, with no explanation as to why. I was off sick from work with trauma. I could not leave the house without hypervigilance taking over. I felt watched, destabilised and once again exposed by the very systems that were supposed to protect people like me.

Months earlier, two officers had attended my workplace following a complaint about Sergeant Smith’s conduct. It came as a shock to everyone, including my colleagues.

Since fleeing domestic abuse in November 2023, Sergeant Smith had been the only officer who demonstrated competence, consistency and a working understanding of safeguarding in practice. He treated my children’s safety as central, not procedural. He took the evidence seriously. He acted.

That was why I respected him.

Not because I was vulnerable. Not because I was confused. Not because I had misread professional kindness.

Because he did his job when others had not.

What appeared to trigger concern was the time he had invested in my case. The implication seemed to be that attention to a complex safeguarding case was itself suspicious.

That was painful to sit with, because the original harm had not come from too much professional attention.

It had come from the absence of it.

By the time Jackie arrived, I was terrified. Terrified of what would be raised. Terrified of what could be taken out of context. Terrified of being discredited again.

In reality, Jackie and her colleague were professional and respectful. They had access to only two days of email correspondence. Almost immediately after they arrived, I took them upstairs and showed them the files I had compiled documenting the coercive and controlling behaviour I had been through.

Those files were separate from the file I had prepared specifically around my interactions with Sergeant Smith.

The coercive control evidence was comprehensive, categorised and structured around the Home Office framework. The separate Sergeant Smith file contained the correspondence, context and chronology relating to my interactions with him.

Questions followed.

I referred back to the work I had already done. The evidence was thorough, but I could see how parts of it could be misread without context.

So I made one thing clear from the outset.

I had no intention of unfairly implicating anyone.

The Problem With Reframing Humanity as Suspicion

What I heard that day was difficult to absorb.

I felt conflicted throughout. I could have made their job easier. I could have allowed empathy to be reframed as impropriety. I could have let professional respect be turned into something else.

But at what cost?

At the cost of undermining the one person who had tried to protect my children.

One thing I have come to understand is that once the label of “victim” is attached to someone, it can become fixed in the minds of others. It can follow you regardless of context, evidence, intelligence or professional background. It can quietly strip you of credibility while claiming to protect you.

Before I met Sergeant Smith, my victim status had already been removed in a way that destroyed my trust in policing entirely.

After that, I stopped seeing institutions.

I started seeing people.

And the central fact remained unchanged.

Sergeant Smith acted when others did not.

The Original Failure

What continues to be overlooked is the original failure.

PC Rolls’ actions in November 2023 allowed abuse to continue. That failure altered the course of our lives.

He lied to my face in December. Proving that meant starting this investigation myself, independently, with no meaningful support. I had to gather the evidence, organise it, cross-reference it and force the record to exist.

That process consumed everything.

My time.
My mental stability.
My ability to function.
Very nearly my life.

I needed my voice to be heard. I needed the record to exist, even if no one in authority appeared willing to look at it honestly.

That is why the focus on Sergeant Smith felt so impossible to reconcile.

The officer whose actions allowed harm to continue appeared to face no meaningful consequence.

The officer who interrupted that harm became the subject of scrutiny.

That is the part I still cannot make sense of.

What I Told Jackie

Jackie seemed genuinely surprised by the extent of what I shared.

I explained that understanding intent mattered to me. After everything I had endured, I needed to know whether the actions taken against us had stemmed from negligence, misjudgement, systemic failure or something more deliberate.

I could see three possible explanations.

None of them changed the outcome that mattered most.

Those three boys still had their mother.

And that was because he acted.

So yes, I supported his account of events, even where it differed from how I had experienced certain moments. Not out of loyalty. Not out of denial. Not out of naivety.

Because the broader truth remained unchanged.

He acted when others did not.

And sometimes, integrity is punished because it exposes everything around it.

What the Files Revealed

There is one detail I cannot leave unaddressed.

The file Jackie asked for, the one specifically relating to my interactions with Sergeant Smith, was already in police possession.

Separately, the wider evidence of coercive and controlling behaviour had also been provided. I had organised it clearly, using the Home Office framework. My fifth investigating officer had been given every piece.

By that summer, I should have understood what was happening.

I later discovered that the OneDrive evidence link I had been asked to provide had never been fully reviewed.

If anyone had opened the folder marked Impact on Health, they would have found my entire chronology for both PC Rolls and Sergeant Smith, with every piece of correspondence attached and dated.

The moment I realised where those files sat was the moment the truth finally settled.

My domestic abuse case had never been investigated in its entirety.

And it was never going to be.

Four days before Sergeant Smith attended court, my domestic abuse case was dropped.

Make of that what you will.

More to follow. Slowly. When I am ready.

NAAVoices documents the lived experience of those failed by systems designed to protect them. If any part of this resonates with you, you are not alone.

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NAAVoices.com — From Survival to Voice

The Journey Behind
NAAVoices

Registered Nurse · Survivor · Neurodivergent · Founder of NAAVoices.com

If you met me at work, you'd see a primary care nurse getting on with the job.

You'd see the clinic lists, the assessments, the routine pressures of general practice. You might notice that I take safeguarding seriously, that I ask different questions, that I pay attention when something “doesn't quite fit”. What you probably wouldn't see is the path that brought me here — or why I rebuilt my entire life and this website from scratch.

This is that story.

The Question That Sent Me Back to University

I had already earned my BSc (Hons) in Nursing and completed multiple master's modules, as well as gained advanced diplomas in areas of general practice. Alongside this, I bring years of primary care experience, a foundation in acute medicine, and several years of experience working in mental health and child and adolescent services. Yet, despite this breadth of knowledge and dedication, my world came crashing down.

After years of coercive control and abuse, I finally left. What followed was worse than I ever imagined: the abuse continued through services supposedly there to protect, and then the family court, professionals looked the other way, and systems I trusted were used as weapons.

I found myself asking a question I couldn't let go of:

How can a human being choose to inflict such pain and suffering on those around them? How do they remain unchanged, unmoved by the harm they cause? How can deceit come so easily, as though truth were meaningless? How can they live without conscience, acting with cruelty yet finding rest at night?

It wasn't an abstract interest in psychology. I needed to understand psychopaths, coercive control, and deliberate cruelty because I was living with the aftermath of it. I wanted to know what kind of mind can inflict that level of damage and still perform “normality” for professionals.

That question sent me back to university.

I self-funded a Postgraduate Certificate in Neuroscience & Psychology of Mental Health. I did it quietly, alongside my job in primary care. Very few colleagues knew I was studying. This wasn't about promotion or a title. It was about survival and understanding.

No amount of academic theory will ever make intentional cruelty “make sense” in human terms.

But the course did something important. It gave me language, evidence, and a framework for what I had lived through. I learned about trauma, attachment, adverse childhood experiences, personality structure, chronic stress, and how the brain adapts to survive.

I am qualified in mental health, but my day-to-day employed role remains in primary care, with different clinical priorities. The mental-health training sits behind the scenes: it informs how I think, how I listen, and how I build this work, but I am not employed as a specialist mental-health clinician. That distinction matters.

Building on the framework provided by the PGCert in Neuroscience and Psychology of Mental Health, my journey shifted from solely personal survival to a commitment to serve others who are where I once was.

This led to further specialised training, including becoming a Certified Trauma Healing Practitioner, a Certified Narcissist Recovery Practitioner, and a Certified Neurodiversity Coach through CMA- and IPHM-accredited providers.

These qualifications are not mere credentials; they represent my dedication to transforming lived experience and academic knowledge into structured, ethical, and evidence-informed tools that I can share, ensuring this work extends beyond personal narrative to provide tangible, practical support.

ADHD, Masking, and the Shape of “Resilience”

At 34, I was finally diagnosed with ADHD — something I had suspected for years but never prioritised because I was too busy coping. Suddenly, a lot made sense:

  • My ability to hyperfocus through chaos
  • My drive to fix complex problems that aren't technically “mine”
  • My tendency to keep going long after most people would stop — until I crashed

ADHD had quietly shaped my career success and my personal vulnerability. It helped me advocate, absorb information quickly, and think laterally about systems. It also meant I masked distress and over-functioned for far too long, calling it resilience while my nervous system was burning out.

The combination of primary care nursing, postgraduate mental-health training, ADHD, and lived experience of abuse and institutional failure created a particular kind of clarity:

  • I could see the patterns
  • I could name the dynamics
  • I could track how systems were failing — not just for me, but for my children as well

The Day the Music Told the Truth

There was a point where the clinical knowledge, the qualifications, and the “I'm fine” facade all fell apart.

One night, I sat in a chair, listening to “I Am Not OK” on repeat for an hour.

I wasn't writing. I wasn't coping. I was rocking, dissociating, and trying to keep my brain from breaking under the weight of what had happened — and what was still happening through the courts and institutional responses.

Two months later, in September 2024, I was diagnosed with PTSD.

The label didn't shock me. It simply caught up with reality. Hypervigilance, flashbacks, sensory overload, the constant scanning for threat — all of it was textbook trauma layered on top of chronic stress and unresolved safeguarding failures.

At that point, writing stopped being a hobby and became something else entirely:

It wasn't writing — it was survival.

When Your Children Show You the Cost

Some memories don't fade, no matter how much time passes.

Their fear was a mirror. It reflected my own internal state — the same dread, the same hyperawareness, the same sense that danger could reappear at any moment.

These weren't “incidents”; they were symptoms of living in prolonged fear and then being failed by the very systems meant to protect us.

Those moments changed the trajectory of my life. They turned advocacy from something I did around my job into something that sits at the centre of who I am.

The Courtroom Where My Voice Didn't Count

Leaving an abuser should mark the beginning of safety.

Instead, I watched the family court become another arena for control.

I was left with a clear message:

You can be a nurse, a mother, or a credible witness. Yet, you may still be silenced when it threatens the bad reputation.

That level of institutional betrayal changes you.

The Moment Nurse Against Abuse Was Born

The night after court, I wasn't okay. I was struggling to hold it together.

My daughter was upset because she wasn't “the best” at something. I'd explained to her that everyone has different things they're good at, and she looked at me and said:

“You are the best at looking after people.”

When the systems around us wouldn't protect us, that sentence became my guide. If I couldn't make them listen to me, I could at least create a space. There, others would never feel that level of erasure. They would not be without a map in their hands.

During a period of severe mental decline, triggered by further police leaks and ongoing court proceedings, I realised something uncomfortable but undeniable:

If I kept trying to be heard in spaces designed not to listen, I was going to break.

So I did the only thing that made sense to my ADHD brain, my nurse brain, and my traumatised brain all at once:

I built something new.

Nurse Against Abuse did not start as a brand. It started as a survival mechanism.

From Troubled Minds to Empowered Voices

“From Troubled Minds to Empowered Voices” was never intended as a branding effort. It grew out of my own journey. Traumatised and feeling voiceless, unable to find the words I so desperately needed.

Traditional trauma therapies don't always fit everyone living with PTSD; for me, speaking was impossible.

Out of that silence, I developed a technique. It first became a journal for myself. Then, it became a tool for others who also struggled to speak but longed for help.

It began as a personal survival tool. Now, it has evolved into the From Troubled Minds to Empowered Voices Collection.

  • From being overwhelmed and unheard to finally understanding what was happening inside my own brain
  • From surviving day-to-day to building something that might make the path easier for someone else
  • From having no voice to ensuring others never feel their lives matter so little to those who were meant to protect them

I love primary care, my patients and my work family. Though it is a workplace, it has always been the place I turn to when I am struggling. There, I could just be myself. Not a victim, not only a parent of traumatised children, but someone who can give others the care they deserve. My therapy is being able to serve others. It is where I was myself and where I can still be myself.

  • Work became my sanctuary when my home was no longer safe
  • My mental health qualification provides the theoretical foundation for what I share here
  • My lived experience ensures none of this drifts into abstract theory

Together, they underpin everything you see on this site: the blogs, the survivor tools, the professional resources, and the insistence that people deserve to be heard, believed, and properly safeguarded.

Why This Story Is Here

This page exists for one reason: context.

When you read my blogs about West Mercia Police, family court, coercive control, ADHD, PTSD, or child safeguarding, I want you to know the perspective they are written from:

  • A professional with lived experience and the qualifications and knowledge to support
  • A mother whose children have lived through domestic abuse and systemic failure
  • A survivor who has seen what happens when institutions protect themselves instead of the vulnerable

I am not neutral.

I am informed.

And I am still here.

If you are reading this because you are trying to make sense of your own situation — whether as a survivor, a parent, a professional, or all three at once — you need to hear this clearly:

You are not overreacting.

You are not weak.

You are not the problem.

And you no longer have to walk through this without language, without tools, or without a voice.

📚 Publications
Not Broken

Not Broken: Finding the Stars

📦 Amazon UK
From Troubled Minds

From Troubled Minds to Empowered Voices

📦 Amazon UK
Gabby’s Guide

Gabby's Guide to Brainstorming Fun

📦 Amazon UK
Gabby’s Guide

Gabby's Guide — Collection

📦 Amazon UK
No Further Action

No Further Action —

⌛ Coming soon

A note on identity

NAAVoices was originally founded under a pseudonym to protect my identity. With time and healing I have come to realise that reducing stigma does not come from staying hidden — it comes from openness. Domestic abuse, mental health difficulties, and the need for advocacy happen to people from every walk of life. I am Amy Royle, and speaking openly is part of normalising these conversations so that others feel safe to do the same.

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