December 27, 2024

I found myself thinking about the past year this morning, and what might come next. It’s been nearly seven months since Professional Standards and Anti‑Corruption turned up at my workplace. I had no idea what was coming, and I certainly didn’t expect my life to be turned upside down all over again.

It only strengthened my belief that the police are anything but incorruptible.

West Mercia Police took my voice, dismissed my reality, and violated the sanctity of the abuse we had endured. They stripped me of everything, driving me to the precipice of survival.

But when you’ve endured the wrath of the devil and watched officers meant to protect instead protect him, leaking confidential information to further his power, you stop fearing anything.

This isn’t just my story. It’s a pattern of systemic negligence, a failure of duty, a breach of safeguarding, and a disregard for the rights enshrined in our laws and professional codes. I’m still here, not because I was supported, but because I had children to protect.

The Beginning of the End

The First Report – November 21st, 2023

I spent eighteen days, from November 21st to December 9th, 2023, waiting for PC Timothy Rolls to contact me after disclosing 4½ years of coercive controlling behaviour, harassment, fraud, drug cultivation, and assault. But worst of all, I’d disclosed child abuse and common assault inflicted on my child. At that point, I knew only what had happened to my 11-year-old.

That night, following his advice, I filled in court applications detailing what had been disclosed. I should have recognised the incompetence when he forgot to take the laptop and I had to go downstairs in the middle of the night for him to return and collect it.

I believed him when he said I wouldn’t need to give a statement because I’d told him everything. My 11-year-old believed it too. My family believed it.

But I heard nothing.

What I Got Instead of Justice

Just advice. Advice on contact centres. Stories about what he would have done if he’d attended certain incidents:

March 7th, 2023: When my 2½-year-old had to be collected and my ex was passed out drunk, head on the chair. He’d been trusted with his child for the first time since June 2022, just a few hours after nursery. The child was naked, running around the house with doors open, when the family arrived to retrieve them. PC Rolls said he would have arrested him for “endangering a minor.”

Earlier incident: When I sped home from work because my ex was passed out with our 10-month-old, both covered in what I thought was faeces (it was chocolate). My 8-year-old had picked the baby up out of the road and cared for their sibling while I raced from work.

Two well-documented incidents. But they apparently didn’t need acting on. Nor did the 60+ texts and emails sent that day alone, with threats that I was “taking his life.”

The Character Assassination Begins

Instead of investigating the abuse, PC Rolls brought up my history: an incident from 6+ years ago with my ex-husband when our eldest autistic son refused to leave school with him. School had called me, and when I arrived, my ex’s girlfriend screamed at me in the playground, witnessed by teachers who called the police.

Yet this playground incident was somehow relevant to compare my character, while I sat disclosing abuse in a nursing uniform, not having slept all night, knowing I couldn’t let my patients down because I was the only nurse in all day. I went to work despite being homeless with three kids, having just disclosed abuse.

There was no reference to the multiple documented histories on West Mercia’s files that linked to coercive control. Five incidents, if I remember correctly.

The Summary That Says Everything

To summarise what I disclosed on November 21st, 2023:

• 4½ years of coercive controlling behaviour
• Child abuse (multiple children)
• Harassment
• Fraud
• Drug distribution and cultivation (with text messages as evidence)
• Historic child abuse
• Common assault

What I received: advice on contact centres and an email two days later with a crime reference number for “a domestic.”

Unlike my ex, I had NO criminal record, no experience dealing with the police on this front, except when he threatened suicide every five minutes and vanished, or drink-drove, or disappeared, or refused to hand my baby over when drunk.

I HEARD NOTHING!

Homelessness and Desperation

December 2023: Living the Nightmare

By December 7th, I had:

• A non-molestation order application in place
• Referrals to MARAC
• Three homeless children

Meanwhile, the perpetrator pleaded his sob story, and everyone around him fell for it, despite years of washing their hands of him, not wanting him back, knowing him.

My three children are STILL being supported for what he put them through. At that time, they were:

• Petrified
• Carrying screwdrivers to school
• Not sleeping
• Living in fear

I had NO IDEA that nothing was being done. IDVAs and solicitors constantly asked for updates on the police case. I had no update because I was still waiting.

The Financial Abuse No One Mentions

Money was everything to him, or rather, faking who he was. He hadn’t paid a penny toward our house in four years. My contributions: £160,000. His: £41,000.

Throughout 2023 alone, I was coerced into spending £13,700 on his demands, not counting the three years before or the two cars I bought him outright, or the fancy watch I found on my credit card statement. I didn’t even know I’d paid for that one. Not to mention thousands of his debts I paid off.

He still can’t pay child maintenance on time, despite using it as a manipulation tool to blackmail me into staying. “£7 a fucking week,” he repeated when I begged him to go. I didn’t want his money: £7 per week! I spent more than that on his junk food each day.

The Second Report and False Hope

December 7th, 2023 – Trying Again

While at work, one of my two IDVAs phoned: “Enough is enough, report it again!”

I did. This time to a young, inexperienced officer, PC Lewis Finch. Maybe, I thought, just one rotten egg in the bunch.

PC Finch seemed nice. Over the next two weeks, my faith started to grow. He came out again, got forms signed for the abuse of my child. My 11-year-old disclosed everything for the second time to a police officer. We headed to the station to sign the forms.

The case was reopened on December 10th, 2023. THIS WAS THE SECOND REPORT OF THE SAME ABUSE. THE FIRST WAS ALREADY CRIME-REFERENCED WITH COERCIVE CONTROL.

PC Rolls had done nothing. He’d NFA’d it (no further action, closed), with no reference to the child abuse disclosed, no reference to anything. NO DASH risk assessment completed for our family. No referral to organisations meant to help and support my children and me.

The Evidence I Handed Over

Within 10 days, I sent PC Finch:

• Hundreds of documents
• Videos
• Audio recordings
• Statements provided to family court by family members
• Statements written and witnessed by my children’s teachers

December 21st, 2023 – When Hope Died

PC Rolls arrived on my doorstep with PC Finch. He was the young officer’s police mentor.

That’s when the lies got worse.

There was “no evidence” in six months of text messages and WhatsApps. That’s the ONLY evidence CPS will consider, I was told. Another Father’s Rights speech. Advice on drug hair strand testing.

PC Finch looked up at PC Rolls, then at the floor, before confirming the lie.

Doing Their Job for Them

The PTSD Reality

The thing about surviving daily with PTSD is that I relive every single detail:

• Every interaction with every officer
• How they were sitting
• Where their hands were
• The positioning of their feet
• The look on their faces, their eyes
• The way they spoke, how they moved
• Words they used
• The feelings I felt
• The movements in them
• The collapse on the floor after

I’m haunted by it.

Creating My Own Investigation

By January 2024, after PC Rolls said “there’s a difference between a bad relationship and abuse,” I began my own investigation.

NO SHIT!

I wouldn’t wish narcissistic abuse on anyone, but I think it often happens: You live through it, and tell me that’s just a bad relationship.

You’ll be threatened with suicide if you dare say anything against them. You live with constant psychological torment, fear of going home daily, knowing you have to get to your kids but petrified of what’s to come.

My 77-Page Investigation

I had my reality and life invalidated by people supposedly meant to protect me. I couldn’t sleep or eat, losing multiple stones over two months. I spent every night doing it myself. No one had investigated. I had to know whether they were right or if what I’d lived was abuse.

The timelining happened, resulting in a 77-page statement on coercive controlling behaviour. I learnt everything about CPS guidance, legislation that the following officers didn’t even know existed.

I HAD TO, because I had to understand the “why.”

I printed all the evidence I’d sent PC Finch from the day we met. I went through four years of WhatsApp messages between us (he had four different phones, making it difficult). I highlighted different colours for each category of abuse and timeline-d everything from the beginning.

What I Cross-Referenced

My statement was cross-referenced with:

• WhatsApp chats between his family and me
• Messages between my family members about their concerns
• Messages from his ex’s family to my family (despite not knowing me) warning them very early on
• Audio recordings
• Documents and images
• Bank statements
• Emails
• Police call-outs from the past
• Medical history: after 34 years with no mental health history, I’d seen my GP about stress at home
• An 18-month cardiac history starting after rushing home to find him passed out with the kids
• Parts of his medical history confirm some things (not all, that was to come)

The Continued Betrayal

By Late January 2024

I’d faced five breaches of the non-molestation order. Not acted on.

PC Rolls took it upon himself to give my nursery manager the third Father’s Rights speech, quoting information that was ONLY shared with my ex and me.

PC Finch – The Betrayal That Broke Me

This broke me. I’d trusted this young officer. I could see early on that he was likely young and had subtle traits reminding me of myself and my eldest son.

But even he hadn’t reported the child abuse to my middle son. By this point, the kids were sleeping with hammers. Friends, family, and I were removing knives and hammers from their rooms. They were scared. Both had been referred for mental health support.

HE DIDN’T EVEN RECORD IT, despite my coercive control case being “insufficient evidence” in six months of texts and WhatsApps (which is incorrect), and I wasn’t allowed to provide a statement.

But my son deserved so much more.

January 10th, 2024 – The Subject Access Revelation

I spoke to the NSPCC about the other children. They told me I had to chase it or they would step in. So I did. I was informed that the additional information would be passed to CID.

The SUBJECT ACCESS REQUEST proved mass neglect of duty:

PC FINCH DOCUMENTED CHILD ABUSE AND HANDED IT OVER 3 MINUTES AFTER EMAILING ME, INFORMING ME HE WOULD SEND THE ADDITIONAL INFORMATION.

January 10th, 2024. A traumatised 11-year-old waited all that time for NOTHING. The crime had NEVER been passed on. Every day, he asked when his ABE (interview) would be.

November 21st, 2023, I reported that! NO ONE had investigated anything from disclosure for an 11-year-old!

These officers have kids. I wouldn’t wish the pain of looking into a child’s eyes filled with fear yet refusing to show weakness because they’ve been traumatised for so long. Then there’s the 13-year-old who cut his wrists not long before finally getting help, believing he’d be safe once police were involved and their abuser arrested.

This was done to my children. Innocent kids who’d done nothing wrong.

Fighting Through Hell

The Daily Battle

I fought with every ounce of strength I had left. Colleagues and friends became increasingly worried, but I couldn’t find words to share my torment. I was:

• Overwhelmed
• Barely functioning as a parent
• Feeling like I was drowning in a constant fight-or-flight
• Living a reality I didn’t want and couldn’t understand

The very people meant to protect me were continuing the hell I’d found strength to escape. I was bombarded with harassment. My child went missing while police officers attended, then made comments, making it clear they’d met my ex.

I was drowning in debt from items he’d stolen, selling my kids’ toys and everything I owned to pay off the finance on items he stole. I had to focus on understanding it all while trying to keep my life together.

Why I Couldn’t Give Up

There were many days I almost gave up. But I couldn’t. The kids deserved more. They’d already lost 4½ years.

4½ years I was denied being a mum, not only to the two who practically lived in their rooms but also to the beautiful child he “owned.”

What they lived through: I never wanted them to feel as I had.

MY CHILDREN did NOT deserve to live through this.

The Arrest That Shouldn’t Have Happened

Seven months ago, a situation turned my life upside down once again. A sergeant, who was falsely accused, along with me as a victim, is still awaiting a decision about charges. The arrival of anti-corruption and professional standards at my workplace to investigate anonymous reports surrounding his conduct made a significant impact.

How he was arrested, a well-respected officer who’d dedicated over 38 years to the police, is beyond me. He was punished for seemingly trying to fix the problems his colleagues caused.

False Reports and Familiar Patterns

Five months before meeting him, I’d had a similar experience when false reports were made against my nursing registration. Fortunately, those reports were deemed malicious and recognised for what they were: an attempt to discredit my character. However, my standing and reputation for caring for others suppressed my ex’s need to cause further harm, and the situation was resolved.

“Witch Hunt”: The Words That Echoed

The day the sergeant was arrested, a colleague with connections in the police—thankfully not from the same force—reached out to a friend to explain what had happened. One of the first words out of her friend’s mouth was “witch hunt.”

Another Officer, Another Letdown

As the investigation into coercive control progressed, my case was handed over to another West Mercia police officer—the fifth one I was supposed to trust to investigate what had allegedly happened on four previous occasions. My current officer didn’t even inform me about this transfer, which added to my uncertainty.

This change occurred just a day before I was forced to take sick leave to protect not only my mental health but also that of my children and my nursing registration.

Silence, Avoidance, and Escalating Anxiety

The investigating officer didn’t keep me informed or even pass over 3 of the crimes my ex had been bailed for, which only made my anxiety worse.

Losing My Safe Space

Although my patients and workplace had provided me with a much-needed sanctuary, and the ability to protect and help others felt like my only escape from the hell I was living in—both at the hands of my ex and the police—it all became too overwhelming.

The safety of my children and myself was being jeopardised, and I no longer felt secure in my own town. This fear made it impossible for me to even drive into town, let alone shop or take my friends out.

The Fear That Never Left

The fear I continue to experience surrounding the police officer who should have been arrested for his actions is profound.

Leaks, Lies, and Legal Consequences

As the months passed, I lost count of how many officers I spoke to, and leaks continued, leading to serious consequences. One incident involved a police officer giving false information to my ex, which was then used in family court. The court accepted the information without hesitation, underscoring the extent of the manipulation, mainly because it could have originated only from the police.

Despite the diligent efforts of one of the few remaining individuals with a sense of integrity to uncover the source of the leak, progress soon stagnated once again.

Civilian Statement Taker: A Flawed Process

It was later revealed that the officer named in the report was actually a civilian statement taker, tasked with gathering witness accounts. If the information presented to family court was indeed accurate, it raises serious concerns regarding the credibility of his statements.

The witnesses, who’d observed the abuse for many years, failed to include crucial details that were ultimately used to weaken the protective measures for my children. This discrepancy not only questions the integrity of the process but also highlights the urgent need for a thorough re-evaluation of the evidence presented.

Meeting the Sergeant: A Turning Point

The day I met the sergeant, he came to discuss my conduct complaint after his PC tried to intimidate a witness and breached my human rights by disclosing confidential information and failing to act on criminal offences. Coincidentally, in the process he’d also tried to intimidate a competitor of his wife’s business.

This, along with other incidents, breached the code of ethics and policing, and discriminated against my protective factors under the Equality Act.

No Respect Left for the Uniform

The sergeant wasn’t just met with my complaint; he was met with my four years of abuse. This time, I had no respect for the uniform, given the previous harm inflicted on me. With my sister beside me, I confronted him with brutal honesty about his PC’s actions.

Now, I dread to think what PC ****’s wife endures at home, seeing similarities between him and my ex.

Control, Manipulation, and the Junior Officer

As the year continued, and the police seemed to protect this officer, I firmly believe he was the source of the anonymous complaints about the sergeant. He likely asserted control over his junior, who became my second investigating officer.

I know that young officer lied to my face, but what upset me more was seeing him unable to answer my question without looking at his mentor, eventually staring at the floor whilst providing a false answer. I don’t blame him for what followed or the discoveries from the subject access, as I believe he was vulnerable to the controlling nature of the man who caused all this.

This Was Never About Me

This was never about me; it was about my children, teaching them that I would protect and advocate for them just as I do for my patients. Victims like me were put at risk because the focus wasn’t on protecting the victim but the accused.

After enduring twelve months of stress, I became increasingly sure that those who hadn’t caused harm would be blamed. Given the lack of answers and the protection of PC ****, I imagine if the sergeant is charged, he’ll be one person providing a statement for the prosecution.

However, heaven and earth will need to move before anyone keeps me off the stand for the defence, even if that means standing outside and shouting this from the top of my lungs or handing out Book 2. The first three chapters are a testimony to what that officer put me through, and that was just the start, before I knew he’d acted with such malice.

Misconduct, Malice, and the Attempt to Shift Blame

I’d already experienced one of the officers attempting to divert the original conduct complaint regarding the officer who’d failed in his duty, acted with malice, and caused unprecedented harm to the children and me by providing fathers’ rights speeches, breaching confidentiality and in my opinion and on review of the CPS guidance surrounding Misconduct in Public Office, used his position of power to inflict harm to a victim.

It became increasingly clear that everything I’d endured and all the failures in disclosure were about to be blamed on this officer. This was the reality on the morning I raised the conduct complaint after PC **** acted with malice for the third time!

Twelve Months On: The Damage Is Done

I don’t know if he’s safe, well, still sane, or as damaged as I’ve been by the same people. However, what I do know is that 12 months on, the damage is irreparable. The sick and disturbing accusations he’s faced are beyond humane.

For someone who didn’t commit the suggested crime, it’s deeply troubling when there’s a clear trail of corruption within the force. Clearly, advocating for others and doing one’s job is frowned upon.

If Doing Your Job Is Criminal, Arrest Me Too

If treating someone of equal rank and mindset fairly and causing them no harm is considered criminal, then they need to arrest not only me but also multiple others who’ve simply done their jobs.

Unlike other aspects of the multidisciplinary team (MDT) I work with, where there’s a clear distinction, I viewed him as a professional. If I’d ever perceived his uniform as his identity, I would have been having panic attacks and shaking in a corner or possibly fainting under the table, much like I do whenever the police are mentioned, including at my workplace.

Finding Solace in Nature

Amidst the overwhelming harm and feelings of being unsafe in my town, I often sought refuge in nature. In the midst of chaos, the outdoors became my sanctuary.

Feeling trapped at home and haunted by memories, I found peace in the natural world. My son and I would watch the sun rise and set, allowing the beauty of nature to calm us. It was during these moments that I realised how much I needed that sense of peace to cope with everything.

It wasn’t until I started my master’s programme and learnt about different therapies, including the “Walk and Talk” initiative in Sheffield, that I understood why I was drawn to nature. Whilst I often wanted to talk and get support, I also needed grounding. Nature provided that for me.

Whenever I felt anxious, I would escape outside to clear my mind. Traditional therapies usually rely on structured settings and professionals to help, but nature’s always available and free. It offers a space for reflection and growth, which has proved essential to my healing journey.

As I continue to deal with the challenges of my past and the uncertainty of my future, I am thankful for the calm that nature provides, reminding me of my inner strength and resilience.

Looking Forward

This year has been a year of betrayal, systemic failure, and profound loss. But it has also been a year of survival, of learning that I am stronger than the forces that tried to break me.

The police didn’t even document or record the abuse, leaving my children to suffer for months after disclosure. I won’t allow their pain to be repeated. I won’t accept that I failed them.

My best friend was right: it’s not like it used to be. They’re all corrupt.

But that is a story for another night.