Content Warning: This post discusses domestic abuse, child safeguarding concerns, police misconduct, trauma responses, and emotional distress. Please take care while reading and step away if needed. Support resources are listed on our Help & Guidance page.
NAAVoices was not created from certainty, but from lived experience and professional insight. As I migrate earlier work from the original platform, this post has been reviewed and approved for transfer. It remains true to its original context, with only minor clarity edits where needed. Some moments do not require rewriting to remain honest.
One Year Since I Told the Truth
A year ago today, almost to the hour, I disclosed four years of domestic abuse to a West Mercia Police officer.
I also disclosed child abuse, common assault, drug distribution, fraud and harassment.
I told the truth.
I expected protection.
What followed changed everything.
Instead of acting properly, recording what needed to be recorded, and protecting my children and me, that officer allowed his own views to shape what happened next. His response was not neutral. It was not safe. It carried assumptions about fathers’ rights into a situation where my children and I needed safeguarding.
The consequences of that have never stopped unfolding.
One Year Later
Today, I received an updated court report based on open police disclosure.
Reading it felt like being dragged back to the beginning.
The police appear to have disclosed only one NFA relating to a non-molestation breach. What was missing mattered even more. There was no proper record that my children had disclosed abuse a year ago today.
A year.
And still, the record does not reflect what was said.
Still, the harm is being carried forward.
Still, the gaps left by that officer are shaping decisions about my children’s safety.
There is so much more I could write about the months it took to evidence what had happened. The missing records. The failures to act. The attempts to challenge what should never have needed challenging in the first place.
But tonight, the clearest truth is this.
The actions of one officer placed my children and me at further risk, and I am still living with the consequences.
Reading It at Work
I was at work when I read the report.
That detail matters, because trauma does not wait for a private room. It does not check whether you are in uniform, whether you have patients to see, whether you are expected to keep functioning.
It lands where it lands.
Tonight was also the final lecture of the first year of my master’s module. I had been doing well. Really well. I had fought hard to stay focused, to keep learning, to keep being the version of myself that still had a future beyond all of this.
But tonight, I could not cope.
It is one thing to have your life controlled by the person who abused you.
It is another thing to have that control extended by the actions of someone who was supposed to protect you.
The Layby
I had to drive.
I have not felt like that for a long time, but tonight I drove back to the layby I ended up in when Sergeant Smith was arrested.
Back then, I would drive around for hours because I no longer felt safe in my own home. I would sit in places where nobody needed anything from me, where I did not have to explain, where I could just exist for a while.
Tonight felt similar.
Except this time, it was not my home that felt unsafe.
It was me.
My mind.
My ability to keep carrying the weight of what his actions had created.
I stood next to the gate and felt the wind hit my face.
The stars were out.
I used to look up and believe John and my grandad were somewhere up there. I am not religious, but I have always believed that the people you have loved and lost are still there somehow. Watching. Holding something you cannot hold for yourself.
There were huge stars tonight.
Maybe I needed to see them.
Maybe I needed to remember that I am still here.
The Question That Will Not Leave
What gave a police officer the right to cause this much damage?
What gave him the right to take my disclosure, my children’s safety, and four years of abuse, and filter it through his own bias?
What gave him the right to leave gaps that I am still falling through a year later?
Because that is what this feels like.
Not one mistake.
Not one bad day.
A failure that became a chain reaction.
A disclosure that should have led to protection became the beginning of another fight. A fight to be believed. A fight to correct the record. A fight to prove that what happened to us happened at all.
And I am tired.
Tired in a way sleep does not fix.
Tired of carrying the consequences of decisions I did not make.
Tired of trying to repair damage I did not cause.
Tired of being expected to function inside systems that keep reopening the wound and calling it process.
A year ago, I told the truth.
Tonight, I am still living with what happened because the person listening did not do what he should have done.
And that is the part I cannot make peace with.




