Day 6: Leaving Isn’t a Single Event, It’s Reclaiming Yourself, Piece by Piece

Part of the countdown to the end of Domestic Abuse Awareness Month

What major historical events do you remember?

The Day I Left

People frame leaving as bravery, but it’s far more complex.

It’s survival layered with fear, logistics, and sacrifice.

Leaving meant letting go of everything I’d built long before I met him.

I funded the home from my own savings, paid the mortgage alone, and raised my child as a single parent because of past events. A fair amount of time over the 18 months I spent living there was likely lost because he wouldn’t leave.

But finances and stability meant nothing compared to facing another day in that house, sleeping in clothes, and having my voice recorder always running on my phone.

I was done with the manipulation. I knew the truth.

The trauma bond was broken, but it still took more for me to find the strength to leave.

November 2023.

The day I finally said enough.

The day I took my three beautiful children and left, making ourselves homeless because staying meant we were no longer safe.


After seeing the fear in my son’s eyes, a mirror of the dread I had long buried.

I knew there was no going back.

No manipulation could ever drag me into that darkness again.

I still remember the look in his eyes, the flinch when my ex stood up.

The fear I’d carried for years had taken root in him.

I packed our bags in silence while, upstairs, he cast himself as the victim, accusing me of cruelty, unaware that within ten minutes, we would be gone. Free.

He could try all his usual tricks – tantrums, shouting, threats.

None of it could change my decision to leave.

I was desperate for freedom, for safety, to live, but had nowhere to go and felt trapped from the second I woke up!

Every sound made my heart race.

I pretended it was just another day, but inside, I knew: if I didn’t leave, I’d be gambling not just with my sanity, but with our safety.

So I left. Freedom came with consequences, and I paid for it.

But if you think the abuse stopped when I walked out that door, you’d be wrong.

Control Became a Narrative

In the weeks and nearly two years since I left, abuse didn’t stop; it evolved.

When direct control failed, the focus shifted to controlling the narrative: how others saw me, what they were told, and which version of events survived.

I can now name the pattern: blame-shifting, performative victimhood, and quiet history rewrites.

The old caution is accurate:

listen to how someone talks about every ex; they may be describing themselves.

I wish I’d believed those who came before me, but abusers are skilled performers.

He worked hard to make me doubt my judgment until I stopped accepting his script and wrote my own.


Those early days were filled with police disclosures, failing to document, safeguarding calls, and court forms.

Exhausting doesn’t begin to cover it.

But even in that exhaustion, there was one undeniable truth: I could breathe again.

I could choose when I saw my family. I could choose to spend time with all three of my children. I could choose to rebuild the bond we’d all been starved of.

As time passed, trauma set in, and I realised I needed help.

Yet, despite the torment that followed, I thrived as the version of myself I refused to let him strip away, the nurse, the empath, the mum, the student, the one committed to saving others from the pain I was forced to endure.

Some days, I questioned whether it was worth it, whether facing the consequences of leaving was worth it.

But the reality is, yes, it is!

That autonomy, the freedom, and the ability for our children to live, bond, and be a family after years of control was worth everything.


Here’s what he could never understand, what he could never do no matter how hard he tried: he could not change how I perceive the greatness in others, or diminish my capacity to help and to heal.

While he continued his attacks through family court, while he manipulated the world around him, I was building.

Not just surviving – thriving:

Through the pain, Through the love and words of my children. In 12 months I achieved.

  • A distinction in a postgraduate certificate in the Neuroscience of Psychology and Mental Health
  • Developed and published my original trauma-based therapy methodology m, created tools to help others navigate what I’d lived through
  • Published 6 books in total, 4 of which are part of my “From Troubled Minds to Empowered Voices” collection, including working with my daughter at age 4
  • Founded a peer support website – NAA Advocating for Change – providing information and resources for self-advocacy around mental health, domestic violence, and LGBTQIA+ awareness
  • Reestablished this blog after starting it before I left him.
  • Started doing things I enjoyed again, went to the rugby, taught my kids how to change pads and discs on cars, Fitted a new kitchen and bathroom myself, learnt to plaster, proving I could create a home with my own hands! And taught my kids.
  • Got a motorbike again.
  • Achieved financial stability after years of economic abuse and coercion, and brought a new car.
  • I studied the Children’s Act and police legislation. I took courses, constantly expanding my knowledge and capabilities to pray I could help others access the system that was supposedly meant to protect, because protecting against control had almost destroyed me and everything.
  • When insomnia was rife, and still to this day, I use the knowledge I gained and have now supported women who can’t afford legal representation, nor access legal aid, through domestic abuse, family court, and mistreatment, turning my pain into purpose

Of all my achievements, one stands above the rest.

My five-year-old now draws pictures of her family, her older brothers, herself, and me, all smiling in a row.

To some, it’s a small thing.

But not long ago, every drawing was filled with sad faces.

The most significant accomplishment I hold is reflected in the bond my children now share: the love they deserved but were once starved of.

Two nights ago, as I lay beside my little one, she whispered her nightly “I love you.” I always reply, “I love you more,” before she finishes. But she didn’t say “you” this time, she told her brother’s name.

A day spent with him, learning guitar, and being loved.

Her “safe people,” as she calls them, include her two teenage boys, me, and others close to us.

And I am proud of that.

The boys lived through hell, yet not one resents a single hair on her head.

Our home is finally filled with safety, guitars, time, together, and days out. Their friends became a support and part of our family, and they accepted her, letting her join in, her little protectors!

Years apart in age, never divided, no resentment, no rivalry.

Just pure sibling banter, jest, bickering, love and fierce protection… Just Normal!

How it was years before she was born.

That is what I’m proudest of. And in that safety, they’ve found the freedom to be who they truly are.


In the quiet of night, I continue working on more, but that will have to be saved for another blog!

But all of it has made me stronger, sharper, more determined.

He thought breaking me would be easy.

He thought taking everything would leave me empty.

He was catastrophically wrong.

The Truth About Leaving

I no longer respond to character attacks.

I don’t read anything directly from him; friends, family, or colleagues do it for me.

Then they outline what needs to be done, which, funny enough, I usually predict.

Just by revisiting the statement I wrote before I left him.

That’s DARVo in action.

I document. I protect my children. I keep moving.

Every book I publish is a testament to survival.

Every woman and man I have supported proves that pain can transform into purpose.

Every course I complete, every skill I learn, every achievement I claim, all pieces of myself I’ve reclaimed from the wreckage he tried to create.

Leaving isn’t a single event. It’s a process of reclaiming yourself, piece by piece.

And I’m not done yet.


For anyone still in the darkness: You are stronger than you know.

The person you were before the abuse is still within you, transformed yet waiting for you to remember.

And when you leave and finally break free, you’ll discover you’re capable of more than you ever imagined.

To those who came before me and tried to warn me: I see you now.

I believe you!

And I’m using everything I learned to make sure others don’t have to learn these lessons alone.


If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse:

  • National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247 (24/7)
  • C.A.L.L. Helpline (Wales): 0800 132 737
  • Men’s Advice Line: 0808 8010 327

You deserve safety. You deserve peace. You deserve to reclaim your life.

Share this page
  • When There Is No Safety Net Coming

    When There Is No Safety Net Coming

    A personal reflection on trauma, grounding, survival, parenting after abuse, and the reality of healing when there is no safety net coming. A NAAVoices story about resilience, nervous system recovery, self-care, and children surviving trauma.

  • Small Acts, Big Impact, Supporting Cancer Research

    Small Acts, Big Impact, Supporting Cancer Research

    Two of my colleagues are fundraising for Cancer Research, combining their frontline experience in general practice with personal lived experience of cancer. This is a cause close to home — support their efforts or share to help make a difference.

  • Two Days That Made the Damage Impossible to Ignore

    Two Days That Made the Damage Impossible to Ignore

    A trauma-informed reflection on PTSD and C-PTSD, exploring hypervigilance, sleep deprivation, institutional triggers, and why healing cannot begin while threat remains. A lived-experience and professional perspective, two years on.

NAAVoices.com — From Survival to Voice

The Journey Behind
NAAVoices

Registered Nurse · Survivor · Neurodivergent · Founder of NAAVoices.com

If you met me at work, you'd see a primary care nurse getting on with the job.

You'd see the clinic lists, the assessments, the routine pressures of general practice. You might notice that I take safeguarding seriously, that I ask different questions, that I pay attention when something “doesn't quite fit”. What you probably wouldn't see is the path that brought me here — or why I rebuilt my entire life and this website from scratch.

This is that story.

The Question That Sent Me Back to University

I had already earned my BSc (Hons) in Nursing and completed multiple master's modules, as well as gained advanced diplomas in areas of general practice. Alongside this, I bring years of primary care experience, a foundation in acute medicine, and several years of experience working in mental health and child and adolescent services. Yet, despite this breadth of knowledge and dedication, my world came crashing down.

After years of coercive control and abuse, I finally left. What followed was worse than I ever imagined: the abuse continued through services supposedly there to protect, and then the family court, professionals looked the other way, and systems I trusted were used as weapons.

I found myself asking a question I couldn't let go of:

How can a human being choose to inflict such pain and suffering on those around them? How do they remain unchanged, unmoved by the harm they cause? How can deceit come so easily, as though truth were meaningless? How can they live without conscience, acting with cruelty yet finding rest at night?

It wasn't an abstract interest in psychology. I needed to understand psychopaths, coercive control, and deliberate cruelty because I was living with the aftermath of it. I wanted to know what kind of mind can inflict that level of damage and still perform “normality” for professionals.

That question sent me back to university.

I self-funded a Postgraduate Certificate in Neuroscience & Psychology of Mental Health. I did it quietly, alongside my job in primary care. Very few colleagues knew I was studying. This wasn't about promotion or a title. It was about survival and understanding.

No amount of academic theory will ever make intentional cruelty “make sense” in human terms.

But the course did something important. It gave me language, evidence, and a framework for what I had lived through. I learned about trauma, attachment, adverse childhood experiences, personality structure, chronic stress, and how the brain adapts to survive.

I am qualified in mental health, but my day-to-day employed role remains in primary care, with different clinical priorities. The mental-health training sits behind the scenes: it informs how I think, how I listen, and how I build this work, but I am not employed as a specialist mental-health clinician. That distinction matters.

Building on the framework provided by the PGCert in Neuroscience and Psychology of Mental Health, my journey shifted from solely personal survival to a commitment to serve others who are where I once was.

This led to further specialised training, including becoming a Certified Trauma Healing Practitioner, a Certified Narcissist Recovery Practitioner, and a Certified Neurodiversity Coach through CMA- and IPHM-accredited providers.

These qualifications are not mere credentials; they represent my dedication to transforming lived experience and academic knowledge into structured, ethical, and evidence-informed tools that I can share, ensuring this work extends beyond personal narrative to provide tangible, practical support.

ADHD, Masking, and the Shape of “Resilience”

At 34, I was finally diagnosed with ADHD — something I had suspected for years but never prioritised because I was too busy coping. Suddenly, a lot made sense:

  • My ability to hyperfocus through chaos
  • My drive to fix complex problems that aren't technically “mine”
  • My tendency to keep going long after most people would stop — until I crashed

ADHD had quietly shaped my career success and my personal vulnerability. It helped me advocate, absorb information quickly, and think laterally about systems. It also meant I masked distress and over-functioned for far too long, calling it resilience while my nervous system was burning out.

The combination of primary care nursing, postgraduate mental-health training, ADHD, and lived experience of abuse and institutional failure created a particular kind of clarity:

  • I could see the patterns
  • I could name the dynamics
  • I could track how systems were failing — not just for me, but for my children as well

The Day the Music Told the Truth

There was a point where the clinical knowledge, the qualifications, and the “I'm fine” facade all fell apart.

One night, I sat in a chair, listening to “I Am Not OK” on repeat for an hour.

I wasn't writing. I wasn't coping. I was rocking, dissociating, and trying to keep my brain from breaking under the weight of what had happened — and what was still happening through the courts and institutional responses.

Two months later, in September 2024, I was diagnosed with PTSD.

The label didn't shock me. It simply caught up with reality. Hypervigilance, flashbacks, sensory overload, the constant scanning for threat — all of it was textbook trauma layered on top of chronic stress and unresolved safeguarding failures.

At that point, writing stopped being a hobby and became something else entirely:

It wasn't writing — it was survival.

When Your Children Show You the Cost

Some memories don't fade, no matter how much time passes.

Their fear was a mirror. It reflected my own internal state — the same dread, the same hyperawareness, the same sense that danger could reappear at any moment.

These weren't “incidents”; they were symptoms of living in prolonged fear and then being failed by the very systems meant to protect us.

Those moments changed the trajectory of my life. They turned advocacy from something I did around my job into something that sits at the centre of who I am.

The Courtroom Where My Voice Didn't Count

Leaving an abuser should mark the beginning of safety.

Instead, I watched the family court become another arena for control.

I was left with a clear message:

You can be a nurse, a mother, or a credible witness. Yet, you may still be silenced when it threatens the bad reputation.

That level of institutional betrayal changes you.

The Moment Nurse Against Abuse Was Born

The night after court, I wasn't okay. I was struggling to hold it together.

My daughter was upset because she wasn't “the best” at something. I'd explained to her that everyone has different things they're good at, and she looked at me and said:

“You are the best at looking after people.”

When the systems around us wouldn't protect us, that sentence became my guide. If I couldn't make them listen to me, I could at least create a space. There, others would never feel that level of erasure. They would not be without a map in their hands.

During a period of severe mental decline, triggered by further police leaks and ongoing court proceedings, I realised something uncomfortable but undeniable:

If I kept trying to be heard in spaces designed not to listen, I was going to break.

So I did the only thing that made sense to my ADHD brain, my nurse brain, and my traumatised brain all at once:

I built something new.

Nurse Against Abuse did not start as a brand. It started as a survival mechanism.

From Troubled Minds to Empowered Voices

“From Troubled Minds to Empowered Voices” was never intended as a branding effort. It grew out of my own journey. Traumatised and feeling voiceless, unable to find the words I so desperately needed.

Traditional trauma therapies don't always fit everyone living with PTSD; for me, speaking was impossible.

Out of that silence, I developed a technique. It first became a journal for myself. Then, it became a tool for others who also struggled to speak but longed for help.

It began as a personal survival tool. Now, it has evolved into the From Troubled Minds to Empowered Voices Collection.

  • From being overwhelmed and unheard to finally understanding what was happening inside my own brain
  • From surviving day-to-day to building something that might make the path easier for someone else
  • From having no voice to ensuring others never feel their lives matter so little to those who were meant to protect them

I love primary care, my patients and my work family. Though it is a workplace, it has always been the place I turn to when I am struggling. There, I could just be myself. Not a victim, not only a parent of traumatised children, but someone who can give others the care they deserve. My therapy is being able to serve others. It is where I was myself and where I can still be myself.

  • Work became my sanctuary when my home was no longer safe
  • My mental health qualification provides the theoretical foundation for what I share here
  • My lived experience ensures none of this drifts into abstract theory

Together, they underpin everything you see on this site: the blogs, the survivor tools, the professional resources, and the insistence that people deserve to be heard, believed, and properly safeguarded.

Why This Story Is Here

This page exists for one reason: context.

When you read my blogs about West Mercia Police, family court, coercive control, ADHD, PTSD, or child safeguarding, I want you to know the perspective they are written from:

  • A professional with lived experience and the qualifications and knowledge to support
  • A mother whose children have lived through domestic abuse and systemic failure
  • A survivor who has seen what happens when institutions protect themselves instead of the vulnerable

I am not neutral.

I am informed.

And I am still here.

If you are reading this because you are trying to make sense of your own situation — whether as a survivor, a parent, a professional, or all three at once — you need to hear this clearly:

You are not overreacting.

You are not weak.

You are not the problem.

And you no longer have to walk through this without language, without tools, or without a voice.

📚 Publications
Not Broken

Not Broken: Finding the Stars

📦 Amazon UK
From Troubled Minds

From Troubled Minds to Empowered Voices

📦 Amazon UK
Gabby’s Guide

Gabby's Guide to Brainstorming Fun

📦 Amazon UK
Gabby’s Guide

Gabby's Guide — Collection

📦 Amazon UK
No Further Action

No Further Action —

⌛ Coming soon

A note on identity

NAAVoices was originally founded under a pseudonym to protect my identity. With time and healing I have come to realise that reducing stigma does not come from staying hidden — it comes from openness. Domestic abuse, mental health difficulties, and the need for advocacy happen to people from every walk of life. I am Amy Royle, and speaking openly is part of normalising these conversations so that others feel safe to do the same.

Discover more from NAAVoices.com

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading