Two Years On — Reflection
Reading this now, I’m aware of how little I could see ahead at the time. I had no sense of what the end of that year would bring, or how much would change for my child and for me. I was simply trying to get through each day.
Looking back, this moment feels significant in ways I couldn’t have understood then. It was one of the earliest signs of my child’s emerging sense of self. Two years on, I am deeply proud of the strength, clarity, and resilience Gabby has shown. She has grown into herself with a quiet confidence that continues to humble me. What I saw then as a fleeting moment of joy, I now recognise as the beginning of something much deeper.
Living in the Aftermath
This week has been heavy, especially for my little one. A difficult day yesterday spilled into today, and when things dip, carrying everything alone feels relentless.
Support thins over time. People are there in the beginning, then life moves on. Those who remain, I’m careful not to lean on too much. I don’t want to burden anyone, and I’m conscious of how damaging it is when emotional weight becomes something others have to manage. I refuse to repeat patterns that hurt.
We celebrated my little one’s birthday this week. He chose to dress as a princess, and his happiness was unmistakable.
Watching him brought pure joy, and also a quiet grief. A reminder of how far I still feel from the mum I want to be, the one I was before everything changed.
That realisation brought guilt, but his joy mattered more. It always does.
Being around people, even for good reasons, costs energy I don’t always have. Joy and exhaustion sit side by side now.
I’ve felt low this week. Maybe it’s accumulated stress, maybe it’s the ongoing reality of having to find strength every single day without a safety net. Some mornings, getting out of bed feels almost impossible. Doing that alone can feel heavy in a way that’s hard to explain.
And yet, I keep going.
Not because it’s easy.
Not because it’s resolved.
But because there is no alternative.
I still believe in others.
Even when it takes effort.
Even when belief feels fragile.