ā ļø Content Note: This post discusses trauma and dissociation. Please prioritise your wellbeing whilst reading. Take breaks as needed.
Quick Self-Check Before We Begin ā
Do You Experience Dissociation? Quick Assessment:
- ā” Feel like you’re watching yourself from outside your body
- ā” The world seems unreal or dreamlike
- ā” Can’t remember parts of your day
- ā” Feel emotionally numb during stressful situations
- ā” Hear people talking but can’t process the words
- ā” Feel disconnected from your emotions
- ā” Time seems to speed up or slow down unusually
- ā” Feel like you’re on autopilot
If you tick 3+, consider speaking with a trauma-informed professional š
My Lived Experience – The Day It Finally Had a Name
Earlier this year, I was sitting in the middle of my clinic. A patient I’d been supporting for months used a word that stopped me cold: dissociation. They described the sensation of watching life unfold around them without truly being part of it. As they spoke, something shifted in my understanding of my own PTSD journey.
For months, I’d struggled to name that automatic shutdown, the moment when the world becomes too much. It isn’t dramatic or visible. One moment I’m present and engaged. Next, I’m observing my own life from a distance, as though it’s happening behind frosted glass. My body continues the motions, but I am not there.
In those moments, silence becomes essential. Music, once comforting, becomes unbearable. After nights of relentless triggers and flashbacks that loop like a broken record, my mind craves quiet. It’s exhausted by constant vigilance and the fear of what might come next.
The tangled complexities of ongoing abuse leave no room for recovery. My nervous system remains trapped in survival mode. It cannot process trauma, and it cannot meet the demands of a mind now burdened with PTSD. Eventually, it simply says: “Enough. I’m taking you somewhere else for a while.”
I understand now, this was never a weakness. It wasn’t me, “not coping well enough.” It was my brain’s extraordinary attempt to protect me from pain that threatened to overwhelm every defence I had.
But understanding doesn’t make it easier to live with.
Myth vs Fact: Let’s Clear This Up āā
Myth vs. Fact: Let’s Clear This Up āā
Dissociation is often misunderstood, and these misconceptions can make it harder for people to seek support or feel validated. It isn’t always dramatic or obvious ā it can affect just one part of someone’s experience, such as their emotions.
Here’s what that might look like in practice. Someone might feel emotionally numb, even while going about their day as usual. They may appear composed externally, yet feel profoundly disconnected internally. This isn’t attention-seeking, and it isn’t something they can simply “snap out of.”
Dissociation is a real, involuntary response from the nervous system ā as automatic as breathing or a heartbeat. It can be subtle, like zoning out whilst driving or becoming lost in a book. And it isn’t always linked to severe trauma; many people experience mild forms throughout their lives.
By challenging these myths and increasing awareness, we can build a more compassionate and informed understanding of what dissociation truly is.
The Neuroscience ā What’s Really Happening in Our Brains š§¬
Dissociation isn’t a character flaw or a sign of weakness. It’s a sophisticated neurobiological response ā your nervous system’s built-in safeguard.
When we begin to understand what’s happening inside us, we can start to let go of the shame. This shame often accompanies these experiences.
During trauma, the amygdala, our brain’s alarm system, goes into overdrive.
Flooding the body with stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline.
At the same time, the prefrontal cortex, which helps us think clearly and regulate our emotions, temporarily shuts down. š“
This isn’t a malfunction.
It’s an ancient survival mechanism, designed to help us endure immediate danger.
Your Brain During Dissociation š§
In chronic trauma or PTSD, something more complex occurs. The brain develops dissociation as an adaptive response, and three key neural networks are involved.
The Default Mode Network (DMN) maintains our sense of self and autobiographical memory. During dissociation, the DMN becomes fragmented, creating that familiar sense of detachment from our own identity.
The Salience Network is responsible for determining what’s important in our environment. When it becomes dysregulated, it grows difficult to distinguish between past trauma and present safety.
The Executive Control Network helps us focus and make decisions. When it becomes impaired, it contributes to the mental “fog” many of us experience during dissociative episodes.
š Remember, you’re learning about your brain’s protective mechanisms. This is self-compassion, not self-criticism.
š Latest Research (2024ā2025)
Structured trauma care helps. Programmes such as Finding Solid Ground have been shown to reduce symptoms and improve emotional regulation. (Oxford University Press)
The majority of trauma survivors experience dissociative symptoms. This is particularly common in PTSD and prolonged abuse cases. (NHS England)
Dissociation is a survival response. Brain imaging research confirms it is an adaptive mechanism, not a flaw. (Study by Reinders et al., University of Groningen)
š©āāļø Through a Nurse’s Eyes: Reflection and Recognition
Through my postgraduate study, and as a nurse, I was trained to recognise dissociation. But it was my patients ā and my own survival ā that taught me what it truly looks like.
There’s a particular quality to it. A subtle disconnection. It isn’t dramatic. It’s quiet.
It’s the patient who seems unusually calm whilst describing horrific experiences. The assault survivor who recounts their story as though they’re reading someone else’s diary. The domestic abuse victim who appears “checked out” during safety planning.
People often say, “I don’t know how you’re still standing.” Truthfully? Neither do I.
For over two years, 90% of my life was spent surviving. I wasn’t living ā I was bracing. Managing the impact on my health, my wellbeing, and my children. I’ve never shared the full story of what I endured since leaving. Even the fragments I’ve had to disclose have brought others to tears. But I no longer could cry.
And that’s dissociation. Because without it, I don’t believe I’d still be here.
The Power of Quiet Support: My Workplace and PTSD
An Extraordinary Workplace
My workplace has been nothing short of extraordinary. They understood that dissociation isn’t a choice. If anything, it made me more focused on my patients ā because I couldn’t stay in my own mind. I needed to protect others from feeling the same pain I was carrying.
“I never had to quote the Equality Act. The few who knew supported me quietly, respectfully.”
Small Acts, Big Impact
My manager would take me for walks. Colleagues shielded me from triggers. They reminded me daily, through their actions, that the pain I was carrying wasn’t mine to own alone. I set up a music speaker on the wall. It was something to fill the silence when I needed it. I could mute it when I didn’t need it.
They sat with me during phone calls I could barely comprehend. They listened in disbelief as the system, supposedly designed to protect, gave a platform for further harm. They read the statements. They saw the contradictions. They witnessed the emotional toll of being forced to relive what I was trying so desperately to escape.
They called. They messaged. They left food. One even offered financial help. I declined, but the gesture stayed with me long after.
Chosen Family
These people became family. They didn’t demand explanations or force me to speak. They let me dissociate to survive and protected the part of me that couldn’t be taken. They stood back and stayed quiet. They let me do what I do best ā give others the safety I couldn’t always find for myself.
“They stood back, quietly, and let me give others what I couldn’t access for myself: safety.”
Please know this: you are protected.
PTSD is recognised as a disability under UK law. You have the right to reasonable adjustments. You don’t need to justify your survival, and you don’t need to explain your coping mechanisms.
You just need to know, you are not alone.
š¬ “Sometimes, the loudest support is the quietest presence. And sometimes, that’s all we need to keep going.”going.ā
Final Thoughts: From Survival to Living š
Dissociation saved many of our lives. š It allowed us to endure the unendurable, to survive experiences that might have otherwise destroyed us. But there comes a point where what once protected us begins to limit us. The challenge is learning to honour that protection whilst gently expanding our capacity to stay present. šø
For me, truly understanding dissociation ā not just intellectually, but in my bones ā has been transformative. š¦ I no longer fight against it with shame and frustration. Instead, I recognise it as my brain’s misguided attempt at care. I thank it for keeping me alive, and then I gently remind myself: the danger has passed. I am safe now. I can stay. š”
Some days I can. Some days I can’t. And that’s okay. š
To my fellow survivors: Your dissociation tells a story of survival. It reflects a nervous system that loved you enough to take you somewhere else when reality became unbearable. That’s not weakness. That’s not pathology. That’s the fierce protection of a brain that refused to let trauma win.
To the professionals: When you see dissociation, you’re witnessing resilience in action. Treat it with the respect it deserves.
And to everyone else: Be gentle with those of us who sometimes seem far away. We’re not choosing to leave. We’re still learning how to stay.
This was never a choice. But healing ā that’s a choice we make every single day..
Daily Living Strategies That Help
You are not alone. The organisations below offer free, confidential support ā whenever you need it, day or night.
If you are in immediate danger, please call 999. If you are struggling right now, Samaritans are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week ā you don’t have to be in crisis to reach out.
Crisis Support
šSpecialist Trauma Support
šMental Health Organisations
šæOnline Resources
šTherapy Directories
š¼Children & Young People
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