Category: Personal Blog

  • DAY 7 | The Mask of Charm, When Public Persona Hides Private Harm

    DAY 7 | The Mask of Charm, When Public Persona Hides Private Harm

    Day 7 of the countdown turns to one of the hardest truths I’ve ever had to face.

    Not everyone who appears kind is kind. Some abusers are masterful performers; they display compassion in public and practise cruelty in private.

    During that time, people saw only what they wanted to see: a respectable partner, community‑minded, articulate, impressive.

    I was told—often—how “lucky” I was.

    I nodded, smiled, and felt a little piece of me fade each time.

    Behind closed doors, words became weapons.

    Silence became punishment.

    I began doubting my own perceptions because the world only recognised their charm.

    It’s profoundly disorienting when your abuser is socially admired.

    You start questioning yourself simply because everyone else seems so certain they’re wonderful.

    Eventually, I learned a truth that changed everything: credibility is not the same as character.

    Charm is a form of currency for control; it buys them allies long before you realise you’ll need witnesses.

    Charm is the perfect disguise.

  • DAY 8 | The Quiet Before It Starts, Recognising the Calm That Isn’t

    DAY 8 | The Quiet Before It Starts, Recognising the Calm That Isn’t

    Day 8: When Silence Speaks First

    We’re entering the final eight‑day countdown to the end of Domestic Abuse Awareness Month.

    Each day, I want to unpack one truth I lived through.

    This isn’t theory or statistics.
    This is lived experience.

    These reflections aren’t about blame; they’re about understanding.

    Day 8 begins where most stories truly start: with silence.

    Abuse rarely arrives shouting.
    It arrives softly—dressed as care, cloaked in concern, disguised as love.

    I remember believing I was lucky. I thought I had someone who cared deeply. They checked in constantly.

    They wanted to know where I was “to make sure I was safe.”

    Only later did I realise: I wasn’t being protected, I was being monitored.

    That kind of calm isn’t comfort. It’s a warning.

    Coercive control often masquerades as devotion.
    Your boundaries blur.
    Your voice quietens.
    Your world shrinks to fit someone else’s version of safety.

    Looking back, the pattern is unmistakable:

    • My autonomy traded for “love.”
    • My friendships slowly erased.
    • My life reduced to his comfort zone — never mine.

    If you feel that heavy calm, trust your instinct.

    Real safety doesn’t confine you — it expands you.

    It lets you breathe, move, choose, and be.


  • Angel Numbers & Everyday Spirituality: Finding Light in Life’s Patterns

    Angel Numbers & Everyday Spirituality: Finding Light in Life’s Patterns

    Finding Meaning in the Mess

    This is a story about resilience and routine. It is also about learning to calm a nervous system that’s been through too much. You don’t have to be spiritual to relate. The takeaway is simple: use what works.

    For me, that includes trauma-informed workflows, safeguarding logs, and—unexpectedly—angel numbers. Not because they’re magical, but because they show up. Repeatedly. Predictably.

    When the world feels chaotic, even one small pattern can help you keep going. Angel numbers became a quiet anchor, something I couldn’t control, but could count on. They weren’t weaponised. They weren’t manipulated. They just… appeared.

    A Conversation That Landed

    I’m not religious. I never had that pull, even with some exposure growing up. But I do believe. I do feel. And sometimes, someone walks in and reframes everything.

    She had been finding her strength again. She showed me her new tattoo — three of the same number in a row. She’d been noticing that sequence for years.

    Without thinking, I said, “11:11.”

    She smiled. “They’re angel numbers,” she said. “And 11:11 might be yours.”

    Her words shifted something in me. These numbers didn’t have to evoke fear. They could be gentle reminders from the universe, nudges to trust the journey.

    She spoke about her guides, about how these numbers helped her feel protected. She shared a moment in a taxi when the mileage hit 444. She saw it as a message from her nan — a sign that she didn’t need to carry her past alone.

    I don’t feel much these days, but that registered.

    These numbers can be signs of love. Of connection. Of support from those who’ve passed.

    When she left, she thanked me. Her gratitude filled the room. I burst into tears.

    It reminded me that I carry my own pain quietly. Through what I’ve endured, I’ve gained a deeper ability to see others. It’s nearly broken me at times. Yet it has also helped me make a difference.

    Strength comes from shared experience. From vulnerability. From moments like that.

    Angel Numbers & Spirituality: Finding Light in the Pattern

    The Essence of Spirituality

    Spirituality means connecting to something greater than yourself, whether that’s through religion, nature, meditation, or quiet reflection. It’s about finding meaning, purpose, and a sense of belonging within the broader context.

    At its core, spirituality invites us to look inward, to explore compassion, connection, and what it means to be human. It can offer comfort in hard times, strengthen resilience, and help us feel less alone.

    For some, it’s prayer or tradition. For others, it’s found in patterns, signs, or the quiet peace of a walk in nature.

    Sometimes, it’s just one small thing that helps you breathe when everything else has collapsed.

    Sometimes, it’s found in the stars.

    If My Children Ever Read This

    I want you to know something: I never stopped trying. Even when it felt like the world had. Even when the decisions weren’t mine, the consequences landed on us all.

    There were nights I lay in the car, staring through the skylight, begging the stars to end the torment. I didn’t know what PTSD was. I didn’t know how to live with it.

    Learning to navigate it meant finding my way without a map. I did it without understanding the impact. It rewired my body, my mind, and my sense of safety. There was no framework, no language for what I was feeling. Just chaos.

    But I did know how to look up and ask for help from anyone, anything, anywhere.

    [Video embed]

    And you, my little one, you already know.

    We look at the stars to find our people. The ones who love us. The ones who protect us. You’re amazing with numbers, even if letters feel harder. Maybe it’s generational. Maybe it’s something else. But I see you. And I see the patterns.

    You see numbers like constellations — patterns I missed, but maybe you were born to catch. I’ve got so many screenshots of 11:11 now. Receipts. Clocks. Reg plates.

    For a long time, I viewed the appearance of 11:11 with trepidation. I feared it was a harbinger of doom. Perhaps a sign that I would meet my end at that very hour. Maybe on the 11th of November. But lately, it’s shifting. It’s taking time, but it’s bringing a different perspective.

    There’s no science in it, which makes it harder for me to understand. Still, there has to be some hope that life will improve. And sometimes, the stars have been the only place I’ve found myself during the darkest times.

    I’ve begged them for peace. For safety. For an end to the torment. And somehow, I’m still here.

    This is where my understanding began to change. Not in a textbook. Not in therapy. But in a conversation with someone who saw patterns where I saw threats.

    Angel Numbers: Plain English

    Call them angel numbers, spiritual numbers, or just meaningful patterns. Either way, they’re repeated sequences. People often interpret them as signposts — gentle prompts to pause, check in, and move forward with intention.

    In spiritual belief, these numbers are seen as messages from guides or angels. Each one carries a different meaning: protection, prosperity, encouragement to stay on your path.

    Do you have to believe in angels? Not at all. You only need a repeatable cue that helps you breathe, reset, and take a healthy step forward.

    Do you have to believe in angels?
    Not at all.
    You only need a repeatable cue that helps you breathe, reset, and take a healthy step forward.

    A graphic featuring the number '1111' and the text 'Alignment & Awakening' with a description about the significance of this number as a wake-up call and reminder for self-reflection. It includes a mandala symbol at the bottom and is attributed to Laura Prince, founder of Nurse Against Abuse.
    Image featuring the number 222 with the text 'BALANCE AND TRUST' on a gradient background, symbolizing harmony and partnership. The image also includes a scale icon and a description emphasizing the importance of trust and maintaining balance in life.
    Image featuring the number 333 with the text 'Creativity & Voice' against a sunset background. The text discusses the significance of the number in relation to creativity and self-expression. It emphasizes the importance of embracing one's talents and expressing inner truth.
    An artistic graphic featuring the number '444' with the text 'Protection & Guidance' over a soft, gradient background. Additional text describes the significance of the number in relation to support and encouragement.
    An inspirational graphic displaying the text '555 Change Management' with a butterfly and cosmic background. The message conveys themes of transformation and seizing new opportunities.
    Image featuring the number '666' with the word 'Re-balance.' The background shows a soft, gradient sunset with clouds, and text emphasizes the significance of re-evaluating priorities and achieving balance between material desires and spiritual needs.
    An inspirational graphic featuring the number '777', the phrase 'Insight & Learning', and a motivational message that reads 'You’re on the path; keep seeking.' It includes the name 'Laura Prince' and the title 'Founder, NurseAgainstAbuse.co.uk' against a starry background.
    A graphic displaying the number '888' and the word 'Abundance', with a sunset background. Text explains that this number symbolizes abundance and prosperity, suggesting rewards are on the way for hard work and dedication.
    A cosmic background with the number 999 prominently displayed, symbolizing completion. The text below explains that this number signifies the end of a cycle and encourages letting go of what no longer serves you. It invites preparation for new beginnings.
    Night sky featuring a bright moon illuminating clouds, with power lines silhouetted against the backdrop.

    Finding Anchors in Chaos

    I began noticing 11:11 repeatedly. Now, I see it differently. Not as a threat, but as a sign. A pattern. A small, predictable anchor in an unpredictable world.

    It became one thing that consistently showed up. One thing that couldn’t be manipulated, controlled, or weaponised by anyone else.

    The stars don’t gaslight you. Numbers don’t lie.

    Hope isn’t passive — it’s a neurological intervention. And sometimes, it starts with a number on a receipt.

    Abstract illustration depicting neural connections on a dark background transitioning to a light, starry sky.

    Spirituality and Self-Regulation: A Survivor-Led Len

    A blurred nighttime image featuring a partially illuminated number two in the sky, surrounded by dark clouds.

    Reclaiming spiritual agency involves several key aspects. It means recognizing that losing a faith community can deepen the trauma of leaving. It involves validating beliefs without validating abuse.

    You must distinguish between spirituality, which liberates, and spiritual abuse, which controls. Supporting spiritual practices as coping tools while prioritizing safety is also essential.

    Spiritual practices can rebuild an internal locus of control, especially for survivors of coercive control.

    When you see 444 and decide it means “I’m protected,” you’re practising decision-making in a low-stakes context. You’re noticing, interpreting, assigning meaning, and choosing a response. That’s agency. That’s healing.

    Where Spirituality Meets Psychology

    The brain is a pattern-detection machine. If a symbol helps you regulate and re-engage with life, it’s an asset. If it becomes avoidance or replaces necessary safety planning, it’s a risk. Context matters. Safety first. Always.

    Angel numbers aren’t a replacement for safeguarding or legal advocacy. They’re a regulating cue — a bridge to stay operational when systems fail. A reason to breathe when breathing feels impossible.

    Guardrails & Resources

    Angel numbers are tools, not treatment. If triggers are spiking or you’re unsafe, prioritise clinical and safeguarding pathways.

    UK Crisis Resources:

    • 999 in an emergency
    • NHS 111 for urgent advice
    • Samaritans 116 123 (free, 24/7)
    • National Domestic Abuse Helpline 0808 2000 247
    • IDVA services via local authorities
    • NHS mental health crisis teams

    If you’re in a car begging the stars for help, please also call one of these numbers. The stars can hold you. But humans can help you.

    Key Takeaway

    My Lived Experience: A Personal Journey Through Trauma and Recovery
  • Understanding Dissociation Through Lived Experience, Neuroscience, and Survivor-Led Advocacy 💙

    Understanding Dissociation Through Lived Experience, Neuroscience, and Survivor-Led Advocacy 💙

    ⚠️ Content Note: This post discusses trauma and dissociation. Please prioritise your wellbeing whilst reading. Take breaks as needed.

    Quick Self-Check Before We Begin ❓

    Do You Experience Dissociation? Quick Assessment:

    • □ Feel like you’re watching yourself from outside your body
    • □ The world seems unreal or dreamlike
    • □ Can’t remember parts of your day
    • □ Feel emotionally numb during stressful situations
    • □ Hear people talking but can’t process the words
    • □ Feel disconnected from your emotions
    • □ Time seems to speed up or slow down unusually
    • □ Feel like you’re on autopilot

    If you tick 3+, consider speaking with a trauma-informed professional 💜


    Earlier this year, I was sitting in the middle of my clinic. A patient I’d been supporting for months used a word that stopped me cold: dissociation. They described the sensation of watching life unfold around them without truly being part of it. As they spoke, something shifted in my understanding of my own PTSD journey.

    For months, I’d struggled to name that automatic shutdown, the moment when the world becomes too much. It isn’t dramatic or visible. One moment I’m present and engaged. Next, I’m observing my own life from a distance, as though it’s happening behind frosted glass. My body continues the motions, but I am not there.

    In those moments, silence becomes essential. Music, once comforting, becomes unbearable. After nights of relentless triggers and flashbacks that loop like a broken record, my mind craves quiet. It’s exhausted by constant vigilance and the fear of what might come next.


    The tangled complexities of ongoing abuse leave no room for recovery. My nervous system remains trapped in survival mode. It cannot process trauma, and it cannot meet the demands of a mind now burdened with PTSD. Eventually, it simply says: “Enough. I’m taking you somewhere else for a while.”

    I understand now, this was never a weakness. It wasn’t me, “not coping well enough.” It was my brain’s extraordinary attempt to protect me from pain that threatened to overwhelm every defence I had.

    But understanding doesn’t make it easier to live with.


    💙 Remember, you’re learning about your brain’s protective mechanisms. This is self-compassion, not self-criticism.

    Structured trauma care helps. Programmes such as Finding Solid Ground have been shown to reduce symptoms and improve emotional regulation. (Oxford University Press)

    The majority of trauma survivors experience dissociative symptoms. This is particularly common in PTSD and prolonged abuse cases. (NHS England)

    Dissociation is a survival response. Brain imaging research confirms it is an adaptive mechanism, not a flaw. (Study by Reinders et al., University of Groningen)


    👩‍⚕️ Through a Nurse’s Eyes: Reflection and Recognition

    Through my postgraduate study, and as a nurse, I was trained to recognise dissociation. But it was my patients — and my own survival — that taught me what it truly looks like.

    There’s a particular quality to it. A subtle disconnection. It isn’t dramatic. It’s quiet.

    It’s the patient who seems unusually calm whilst describing horrific experiences. The assault survivor who recounts their story as though they’re reading someone else’s diary. The domestic abuse victim who appears “checked out” during safety planning.


    An illustration featuring two young women, one seemingly floating above the other in a serene, blue-toned background. Accompanying text discusses the emotional disconnection experienced by trauma survivors, emphasizing the feeling of being outside one's body.

    People often say, “I don’t know how you’re still standing.” Truthfully? Neither do I.

    For over two years, 90% of my life was spent surviving. I wasn’t living — I was bracing. Managing the impact on my health, my wellbeing, and my children. I’ve never shared the full story of what I endured since leaving. Even the fragments I’ve had to disclose have brought others to tears. But I no longer could cry.

    And that’s dissociation. Because without it, I don’t believe I’d still be here.

    The Power of Quiet Support: My Workplace and PTSD

    An Extraordinary Workplace

    My workplace has been nothing short of extraordinary. They understood that dissociation isn’t a choice. If anything, it made me more focused on my patients — because I couldn’t stay in my own mind. I needed to protect others from feeling the same pain I was carrying.

    “I never had to quote the Equality Act. The few who knew supported me quietly, respectfully.”

    Small Acts, Big Impact

    My manager would take me for walks. Colleagues shielded me from triggers. They reminded me daily, through their actions, that the pain I was carrying wasn’t mine to own alone. I set up a music speaker on the wall. It was something to fill the silence when I needed it. I could mute it when I didn’t need it.

    They sat with me during phone calls I could barely comprehend. They listened in disbelief as the system, supposedly designed to protect, gave a platform for further harm. They read the statements. They saw the contradictions. They witnessed the emotional toll of being forced to relive what I was trying so desperately to escape.

    They called. They messaged. They left food. One even offered financial help. I declined, but the gesture stayed with me long after.

    Chosen Family

    These people became family. They didn’t demand explanations or force me to speak. They let me dissociate to survive and protected the part of me that couldn’t be taken. They stood back and stayed quiet. They let me do what I do best — give others the safety I couldn’t always find for myself.

    “They stood back, quietly, and let me give others what I couldn’t access for myself: safety.”

    Please know this: you are protected.

    PTSD is recognised as a disability under UK law. You have the right to reasonable adjustments. You don’t need to justify your survival, and you don’t need to explain your coping mechanisms.

    You just need to know, you are not alone.

    If You Don’t Have a Workplace Like Mine…

    Daily Living Strategies That Help 🏠


    Final Thoughts: From Survival to Living 🌅

    Dissociation saved many of our lives. 💙 It allowed us to endure the unendurable, to survive experiences that might have otherwise destroyed us. But there comes a point where what once protected us begins to limit us. The challenge is learning to honour that protection whilst gently expanding our capacity to stay present. 🌸

    For me, truly understanding dissociation — not just intellectually, but in my bones — has been transformative. 🦋 I no longer fight against it with shame and frustration. Instead, I recognise it as my brain’s misguided attempt at care. I thank it for keeping me alive, and then I gently remind myself: the danger has passed. I am safe now. I can stay. 🏡

    Some days I can. Some days I can’t. And that’s okay. 💚

    To my fellow survivors: Your dissociation tells a story of survival. It reflects a nervous system that loved you enough to take you somewhere else when reality became unbearable. That’s not weakness. That’s not pathology. That’s the fierce protection of a brain that refused to let trauma win.

    To the professionals: When you see dissociation, you’re witnessing resilience in action. Treat it with the respect it deserves.

    And to everyone else: Be gentle with those of us who sometimes seem far away. We’re not choosing to leave. We’re still learning how to stay.

    This was never a choice. But healing — that’s a choice we make every single day..


    Daily Living Strategies – Support Directory
    🏡

    Daily Living Strategies That Help

    You are not alone. The organisations below offer free, confidential support — whenever you need it, day or night.

    💜

    If you are in immediate danger, please call 999. If you are struggling right now, Samaritans are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week — you don’t have to be in crisis to reach out.

    Crisis Support

    🆘
    Samaritans Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week
    Crisis Text Line Text-based support
    NHS Crisis Team Mental health emergency support
    Via 111
    Emergency Services Immediate danger
    999

    Specialist Trauma Support

    💜
    Rape Crisis England & Wales
    Women’s Aid
    Refuge DV Helpline
    Mankind Initiative Support for male victims
    Galop LGBT+ abuse support
    NAPAC Childhood abuse survivors
    Combat Stress Veterans’ mental health

    Mental Health Organisations

    🌿
    Rethink Mental Illness
    Hub of Hope Search for local services by postcode

    Online Resources

    🌐
    PTSD UK Information, support & community
    The Survivors Trust Rape & sexual abuse support
    PODS Positive Outcomes for Dissociative Survivors
    ISSTD International Society for the Study of Trauma & Dissociation

    Therapy Directories

    🌼
    BACP British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy
    UKCP UK Council for Psychotherapy
    EMDR Association UK Find a qualified EMDR therapist

    Children & Young People

    🌸
    The Mix Support for under 25s
    Young Minds UK Young people’s mental wellbeing
    Childline Free, confidential support for children

    #PTSD #Dissociation #TraumaRecovery #MentalHealthAwareness #NursingPerspective #SurvivorStories #Neuroscience #TraumaInformed #HealingJourney #MentalHealthMatters #PTSDAwareness #DomesticAbuseAwareness #ComplexPTSD #TraumaSurvivor #MentalHealthUK #NHSMentalHealth #DisabilityRights #WorkplaceWellbeing #GroundingTechn

    My Lived Experience: A Personal Journey Through Trauma and Recovery

  • Coercive Control and Family Court Lived Experience:  Part 8 of 8  — This time I Knew the Script

    Coercive Control and Family Court Lived Experience: Part 8 of 8 — This time I Knew the Script

    Compliance note: I don’t name private individuals. Everything here is anonymised and compliant with court orders and reporting restrictions.

    NAAVoices was not created from certainty, but from lived experience and professional insight. As I migrate earlier work from the original platform, this post has been reviewed and approved for transfer. It remains true to its original context, with only minor clarity edits where needed. Some moments do not require rewriting to remain honest.

    The paperwork landed and I recognised it within seconds. Same choreography, new date stamp. Deny, attack, reverse victim and offender. Procedure doing the talking while the truth is pushed to the side.

    The difference this time? I had my own words—and my record.

    I went to work. I ran clinic. Two colleagues knew, no one else needed to. I was told to go home; I didn’t. A GP I trust anchored me with one sentence: You know who you are and you’ve already done the work. Let the record speak. It snapped me back into myself.

    Before the Virtual hearing started, my body did what bodies do under pressure. I ended up on the floor in ny room with my legs up, breathing slow, music quietly in my ear to blunt the noise. My manager found me there and—without fuss. No questions. Just presence. .

    And then I spoke. Calmly. likely too much, trauma still evident, but it was To evidence, not theatre.

    The statement against me was full of neat certainties that didn’t survive contact with dates, emails, and basic logic. I didn’t need to perform. I just needed to answer what was asked and keep my boundaries. I did.

    What I saw—again—was textbook:

    • deny what doesn’t suit,
    • attack the person who raised it,
    • then flip the roles and claim harm.

    It’s not personal style. It’s a tactic. The aim is to control the narrative through process. Naming it early stops it stealing your energy.

    What worked for me:

    • Truth: contemporaneous notes and a clean chronology.
    • Documentation: short index, key exhibits, nothing excessive.
    • Boundaries: answer the question, decline the speculation.
    • Ordinary decency: colleagues who did the small, human things—water, tea, a calm sit on the floor—so I could do the big thing.

    I didn’t lose sleep this time. I didn’t pick apart every sentence. I recognised the pattern and refused to hand over my day. School still happened. Work still happened. Life still happened.

    Two years in, I finally got to say some truth out loud. I explained, I justified where needed, and I stood by my reality—steady, not scared. People with integrity don’t need every detail to recognise what’s in front of them. They see it.

    The platform remains. The work continues.

    No order, accusation, or tactic is going to take away the purpose I built from all of this.

  • Why I Write

    Why I Write

    Trigger warning

    Contains descriptions of domestic abuse, police failures, and trauma. Read only if you feel safe to do so.

    When Corruption and Abuse Collide, Children Pay the Price

    Sometimes I can’t write. The weight of what we lived through—what was ignored, what was twisted—can feel too heavy to put into words. I started writing for one reason: for my children.

    This isn’t just my story. It’s the story of countless survivors failed by abusers, by institutions, and by the systems meant to protect them. It’s about children caught in the fallout of coercive control and systemic neglect. I write because silence protects perpetrators. I write because my children deserve a record of the truth. I write because someone has to.

    When Police Fail, Victims Pay

    No victim should have five different investigating officers.
    No victim should have their personal information leaked to the defendant.
    No victim should have witnesses told they will be called to court, only to be dropped without explanation.

    And yet, that is what happened to me.

    I discovered corruption isn’t only in headlines. It exists in quiet offices where officers decide which stories get told and which are buried. My case wasn’t merely mishandled — it was manipulated. Statements were rehearsed. Timelines were twisted. Evidence was ignored. The focus wasn’t on protecting children; it was on protecting reputations.

    Child Impact

    • Safeguarding referrals ignored; children left unprotected.
    • Interviews were conducted poorly or not at all.
    • Rights under the Children Act and the Victims’ Code denied.

    The Timeline I Built

    After three years of the relationship I have more than 100 pages of notes. That’s before the police correspondence and management timeline. I never tried to “get him”; I tried to protect my children. That meant educating myself and documenting everything.

    What I have gathered and cross-referenced to CPS guidance and the Children Act:

    • WhatsApp messages spanning four and a half years.
    • Videos and photos I took to protect myself.
    • GP records documenting stress, cardiac problems, and time signed off sick.
    • Police logs that contradict officers’ own statements.
    • Every safeguarding failure: MARAC referrals ignored, child protection interviews mishandled, rights denied.

    Child Impact

    • Unsafe contact with a dangerous parent.
    • Psychological harm from instability.
    • Loss of trust in protective services.

    The Home Wasn’t Safe Either

    Domestic abuse is more than bruises. It’s coercion. It’s financial fraud. It’s rage in front of the children. It’s drink-driving with them in the car. It’s staged self-harm.

    I remember the day my ex took an overdose and stabbed himself in the arm while our child was present. I remember him drunk at the wheel at a known suicide spot, children within earshot of his rage. I remember cutting a fringe to cover a head injury before a family christening.

    And I remember my children’s fear — refusing to sleep alone, lashing out, developing tics, refusing food. Trauma etched into their bodies in fear of him returning to our home.

    Child Impact

    • Exposure to violence, drugs, and alcohol.
    • Emotional trauma and behavioural regression.
    • Long-term safety undermined by police inaction.

    What Matters Most The Children

    This blog isn’t about revenge. It isn’t even just about the police, though their failures run deep. It’s about children. Children who don’t get a voice when institutions silence their parents. Children labelled “resilient” when they’re actually terrified.

    Children forced to adapt to chaos when what they need is safety and stability. Every time domestic abuse is minimised, every time coercive control is brushed aside, every time safeguarding is ignored — children’s futures are gambled with. And that is unforgivable.

    My child saw things no child should ever see.

    Why I Keep Writing

    I don’t write because it’s easy. I don’t write because it makes me feel better. I write because my children deserve a record of the truth. I write because victims need to know they aren’t alone. I write because silence only protects perpetrators — whether that’s an abusive partner or institutions covering for their own.

    Children’s safety must always come first. Until it does, I will keep writing.

    Finding Small Freedoms

    Existing isn’t enough. Surviving isn’t enough. This week I reclaimed a small piece of myself: I brought home a bike. Something simple, but something that makes me feel alive.

    On that bike, for a short while, I feel freedom. I feel breath in my lungs that isn’t weighed down by fear, and I remember there is more to me than what they put me through.

    It isn’t the end of the fight. But it’s a reminder: I am still here.

    My Lived Experience: A Personal Journey Through Trauma and Recovery
  • When Trauma Shatters Your Coping Strategies: How PTSD Changes Everything for the ADHD Brain

    When Trauma Shatters Your Coping Strategies: How PTSD Changes Everything for the ADHD Brain

    NAAVoices was not created from certainty, but from lived experience and professional insight. As I migrate earlier work from the original platform, this post has been reviewed and approved for transfer. It remains true to its original context, with only minor clarity edits where needed. Some moments do not require rewriting to remain honest.

    The Devastating Impact of PTSD on an ADHD Brain

    When Your Strengths Become Weaknesses

    Living with ADHD for decades without mental health intervention taught me to be resourceful. I’d found ways to channel my differences into strengths. The constant mental chatter became useful multitasking. The need for stimulation drove me to excel in high-pressure situations. The emotional intensity helped me connect deeply with patients and navigate complex medical scenarios.

    But trauma doesn’t just add another layer — it fundamentally rewires your brain. Suddenly, the very traits that had been my superpowers became sources of overwhelming distress.

    The Devastating Impact of PTSD on an ADHD Brain

    Hypervigilance Meets Hyperactivity Where I once had productive energy, I now had anxious restlessness. The hyperactivity that used to fuel my nursing shifts became agitation. It made it impossible to sit still, and equally impossible to focus that energy constructively.

    Intrusive Thoughts Amplify Racing Mind The ADHD brain already struggles with thought regulation. Add PTSD flashbacks and intrusive memories, and what was once a busy mind becomes a chaotic storm. The mental noise that I’d learned to navigate became deafening.

    Hyperfocus Becomes Trauma Fixation My ability to hyperfocus, which had served me well in my career, became trapped on traumatic events. I found myself obsessively analysing every interaction with the police, examining every court document, scrutinising every sign of ongoing danger.

    Emotional Dysregulation Intensifies ADHD already comes with emotional intensity, but I’d learned to channel that into empathy and passion for my work. PTSD shattered that regulation entirely. The emotional swings became unpredictable, overwhelming, and often paralysing.

    🧠 Neural Storm: When ADHD Meets PTSD

    That’s what it felt like. Here’s what was actually happening in the brain.

    Neural FeatureADHD FunctionPTSD ImpactSurvivor Impact
    ⚡ Chaotic Neural PathwaysFast, energetic signal flow enabling multitaskingOverstimulated circuits from trauma triggersRestlessness without direction; agitation replaces productivity
    🌪️ Cognitive TurbulenceRapid idea generation and sensory processingIntrusive memories and flashbacks flood cognitionThought storms; mental noise becomes deafening
    🔍 Hyperfocus LockDeep concentration on tasks or interestsFixation on traumatic stimuli and perceived threatsObsessive analysis of danger; loss of constructive focus
    💔 Fractured Emotional CentresEmotional intensity fuels empathy and passionDysregulation from trauma overwhelms affective controlEmotional swings become paralysing; empathy turns inward as a survival mechanism

    🔧Where does your energy go when trauma takes over? What strengths have been reshaped — or repurposed — by survival?

    Why Previous Coping Strategies Failed

    For over three decades, I’d developed a toolkit of strategies that worked: using physical activity to burn off excess energy, creating structured routines to manage executive function challenges, channelling hyperfocus into productive tasks, and using my natural empathy in patient care.

    When PTSD hit, none of these worked anymore. Exercise felt impossible when hypervigilance made me afraid to leave the house. Routines crumbled when flashbacks could strike at any moment. Hyperfocus became fixated on trauma rather than productivity. My empathy became overwhelming when I was drowning in my own emotions.

    The Shock of Needing Help

    Perhaps the most devastating realisation was that for the first time in my life, I couldn’t just “manage” my brain. I’d spent decades proud of my ability to thrive without medication, therapy, or mental health support. My ADHD was just part of who I was — challenging sometimes, but ultimately workable.

    PTSD changed that completely. Suddenly, I was taking anxiety medication, attending CMHT appointments, and struggling with basic daily functions. The independence I’d maintained my entire adult life had been stolen.

    When the World Becomes Too Much

    In a world that already moves at breakneck speed, adding PTSD to an ADHD brain creates perfect storm conditions. The influx of information, tasks, and social interactions that I’d once managed became completely overwhelming.

    In these moments of sensory and cognitive overload, I find myself needing to shut down. It’s not that I don’t want to engage or respond. My brain reaches a tipping point where the noise becomes too loud and the demands too pressing. I can no longer process everything at once.

    The neuroplasticity that had allowed me to adapt and excel with ADHD had been hijacked by trauma. Parts of my brain that once worked in my favour were now working against me.

    The Shutdown: When Your Brain Protects Itself

    When I step into this space of overwhelm, I find myself withdrawing from usual routines. Text messages go unanswered, calls are ignored, and social engagements become daunting. It can feel disappointing, both to myself and to others reaching out.

    But I’ve come to understand that this reclusiveness isn’t failure — it’s my brain’s attempt at survival. It’s trying to protect itself from further overwhelm when all my previous coping mechanisms have been shattered.

    The Guilt of Needing Support

    One of the hardest aspects is the guilt. Society expects constant availability, but when you disappear for days or weeks, people think you’re being rude or don’t care. For someone who prided themselves on never needing mental health support, requiring medication and therapy felt like failure.

    Practical Strategies for the New Reality

    Environmental Management Reducing sensory input through dimming lights and using noise-cancelling headphones. Creating calm, clutter-free spaces. Setting boundaries around social media and news consumption.

    Routine Adjustments Simplifying daily schedules. Batch-processing similar tasks. Building in regular breaks before they become necessary.

    Communication Strategies Auto-replies explaining slow responses. Being upfront about needs with friends and family. Having templates ready for cancelling plans without the guilt spiral.

    Self-Care Rituals Mindfulness practices adapted for traumatised ADHD brains. Physical activities that regulate the nervous system. Creative outlets that require no social interaction.

    The Strength in Accepting Help

    It has been difficult to realise that I need to embrace the full spectrum of my neurodiversity — and that this includes recognising when I need support. Overload feels daunting, but it serves as a reminder that self-care isn’t optional. It’s essential for maintaining any balance at all.

    Prioritising mental health is vital, especially when navigating both neurodiversity and trauma. Needing medication, therapy, and regular breaks isn’t something to be ashamed of. It’s the only rational response to a brain that has been fundamentally changed.

    Breaking the Stigma of Needing Support

    We need to normalise that people who’ve managed independently their entire lives might suddenly need extensive support after trauma. It’s not poor coping — it’s brain injury requiring treatment.

    We wouldn’t expect someone with a physical injury to function without medical care. Similarly, we shouldn’t expect trauma survivors to manage without mental health support. This is true regardless of how well they coped before.

    The Temporary Nature of Shutdown

    The positive aspect of the ADHD/trauma shutdown is that it’s temporary. After giving my brain the rest it needs, I usually return feeling more creative and focused — able to engage meaningfully with the world again.

    Recognising beauty in both vibrant engagement and necessary periods of solitude is key to a balanced life. Embracing this duality enhances self-understanding, strengthens connections with others, and allows us to share unique perspectives when we’re ready to shine again.

    The Journey Isn’t Linear

    The path from never needing mental health support to requiring extensive intervention is devastating. But it’s also a testament to the brain’s ability to adapt — even when that adaptation feels like everything is falling apart.

    Sometimes, the most compassionate thing we can offer is the space to simply exist without expectation. For someone newly confronting their mental health needs, that permission — to not perform, not push, not pretend — is a lifeline.

    It’s vital to recognise that trauma isn’t a choice. The neurological impact can mirror that of a traumatic brain injury, and it often results from harm inflicted by others. This isn’t a weakness. It’s survival. And no one would ever choose this path.

    So meet it with kindness, not judgment.

    For Those Supporting Someone with New Mental Health Needs

    If someone in your life has developed PTSD and occasionally goes quiet:

    • Don’t take it personally
    • Send low-pressure messages showing you’re thinking of them
    • Respect their need for space
    • Be patient — they’ll emerge when ready
    • Understand this is how their brain works now
    • Don’t compare them to who they were before trauma

    My Lived Experience: A Personal Journey Through Trauma and Recovery
  • The Accountability That Never Comes from West Mercia Police

    The Accountability That Never Comes from West Mercia Police

    NAAVoices was not created from certainty, but from lived experience and professional insight. As I migrate earlier work from the original platform, this post has been reviewed and approved for transfer. It remains true to its original context, with only minor clarity edits where needed. Some moments do not require rewriting to remain honest.

    May 28, 2024.

    Content note: This post discusses police corruption, domestic abuse, coercive control, and the psychological impact of institutional betrayal. Some sections describe acute mental health crisis.

    A year ago today, my workplace was taken from me as a safety net.

    The anti-corruption and professional standards team called to pop in. I had no idea that my seemingly innocuous actions would trigger a wave of panic — one that spread fast among those deeply embedded in a culture of corruption within the police force. I stood up against that misconduct. And for that, I faced the wrath of an institution protecting itself.

    The only honest officer in that equation — Sergeant Smith — was targeted too.

    My Experience with West Mercia Police Corruption

    I was unjustly branded as the “victim” of misconduct in public office while he was falsely accused. The disbelief, the anger, the profound despair — it was overwhelming. True betrayal of public trust does not lie in how professional standards treated us. It lies in the wilful negligence of numerous officers who chose to look the other way while corruption festered within our local police force long before Smith’s arrival.

    The trauma from my interactions with West Mercia Police has taken so much from me. I wake up each day knowing I have to survive another round of this. I endure. I confront the haunting hell they have put me through. Each day feels like a battle against a system that should protect us but has become a tool of deception.

    The Investigation Unravels

    The anti-corruption team arrived. The conversations quickly took a turn — quite different from what I had been told they were coming to discuss. Sergeant Smith had been arrested. PC Rolls’s situation was used as nothing more than an excuse. None of my colleagues could believe it was not PC Rolls being led away. Sergeant Smith was falsely accused of misconduct in public office.

    In the year that followed, I was positioned as the victim. That status was hard to maintain when I refused to corroborate something that simply had not happened.

    The 19 officers I encountered told so many contradictions — documented lies that I can prove. I know I am not the only one who has noticed. But institutional corruption speaks far louder than individual witnesses. I understand why those who know cannot speak up. I do not hold that against them. But lives will be lost because of how this force treats people.

    28 May 2024 — A Day Etched in Trauma, Deceit, and Relentless Injustice

    Speaking out against my ex and the police revealed his deep-seated connections within the force. Amid all of this corruption, Sergeant Smith stood apart. He saw me as a person — not just another case number. And for that, he paid the price.

    My investigation was marred by deception at every turn. My IOC assured me I was awaiting a CPS decision.

    A phone call from a new officer shattered that.

    The case had never been sent.

    Another lie.

    Six months later, it happened again. Information my ex should never have had access to was used in the family court. Two days after that phone call, my mental health spiralled in a way I had never thought possible. After 34 years, I had been luckier than I ever realised — until then.

    I could not leave the house. I had to go off sick. The weight of it all was crushing. Then came my first panic attack — the sheer force of it was unlike anything I had ever experienced. I came home, overwhelmed, and punched a wall. Desperation manifesting in destruction. My mind was tormented. I could not face any more.

    He mentioned an officer’s name in court to manipulate the facts. He deceived the court. When the origins of that information were challenged, those seeking accountability were silenced. The institution appeared intent on protecting perpetrators and hiding past truths.

    Family links began to emerge. I linked my ex and his family to a former police officer who held a grudge against Sergeant Smith. They protected their own. No matter how extensive my ex’s criminal record, it gave him enough fuel to keep the abuse going.

    Then — conveniently — came the moment that confirmed everything.

    An email.

    Not incompetence. Not oversight. Deliberate betrayal.

    I collapsed at work, suffocating under the weight of it. They needed a scapegoat and waited until the last possible moment to strike.

    Sergeant Smith was their choice.

    My case was doomed from the beginning — the moment PC Rolls failed to act on the disclosure. Fourteen months later, just one week before Sergeant Smith’s first court hearing, my coercive control case was suddenly dropped.

    “Not meeting the threshold,” they claimed.

    Then came yet another blow — one they had hidden for an entire month. The CPS dropped my “victim” status on 24 December. They did not tell me until 25 January. Then, as if orchestrated, they pulled another charge out of nowhere. A hollow excuse. A calculated move.

    How could I be a “victim” in one criminal case yet merely a “member of the public” in another? The answer is more than unsettling — it is damning. This was not just failure. This was not just negligence.

    This was corruption. A deliberate effort to silence, discredit, and protect the guilty.

    The Systemic Corruption

    Because I care too much, does that make me a bad nurse? Who wants a healthcare professional who just ticks boxes? Our intuition and lived experience make us good at our jobs — they protect our patients. It is not just about following procedure. Our expertise allows us to adapt our approach to the person in front of us.

    The conversation with the anti-corruption team was a huge turning point. In less than one month — for the first time in years — I had finally started to feel safe. And then it was gone. In the past year, the system’s corruption has become all too clear. The aftermath has been filled with lies and dishonesty from officers who were supposed to uphold justice. Some acted as though they were completely untouchable.

    As I await Sergeant Smith’s trial in 2026, I cannot help but wonder who anonymously and baselessly reported him. I believe it was a hollow, calculated move — a narrative designed to shift blame and protect the corrupt. Was it my OIC Number 4? One of his team members?

    In April 2024, Sergeant Smith passed my case despite my concerns. Two of the six officers on his shift had already caused my children and me unprecedented harm. I could not face another one. But he took it on — and compiled a detailed file meant to connect all past events in the police records, linking call logs, case details, and every document I had painstakingly gathered as evidence.

    The Lies, the Silence, and the Cost of Inaction

    When OIC Number 5 took over, they assured me of thoroughness. Everything passed from OIC 4 was included in the evidence, they said.

    But only one file appeared to have been touched — one I did not even recognise. All 12 of my lever-arch files were identical in condition. This one was not. It was also the only one in pieces.

    And it was no shock. Seven months earlier, OIC 4 had not handed over my ex’s arrest details to OIC 5. Why anyone had faith in the integrity of that transfer, I will never know.

    Then came another discovery. Why were other confidential documents left in the file — documents I should never have seen? It makes me question whether OIC 5 ever actually reviewed what I had meticulously compiled.

    The deeper I dig, the clearer it becomes. This was not just negligence. This was calculated. Planned. Either to cover the actions of many — or to punish those who spoke out.

    Was it OIC 4, tampering with records? Or OIC 5, failing to examine the evidence I provided? Was it the officer who left reports proving further deception by my ex? Or the one who failed to document serious child abuse allegations that went unrecorded for weeks — until the NSPCC urged me to pursue them?

    And yet they insist my investigation was not compromised.

    I think back to 21 December — a moment etched in my mind. Finch looked straight at Rolls before lying to my face: “The CPS only takes WhatsApp and text messages from a six-month history as evidence.” He dismissed the hundreds of files I had sent — audio, video, everything. Evidence that should have mattered. Evidence that should have been enough. But it was not.

    Finch was not acting alone. Rolls was his mentor — OIC 1 shaping OIC 2. I had held off raising a complaint against Rolls because I liked Finch. He seemed warm, approachable. I wanted to believe he was different. But youth and inexperience are not excuses for failing to act. They are not excuses for leaving a child jumping at shadows, forced to sleep with a knife for protection. They are not excuses for allowing abuse to continue unchecked.

    And then there is the deeper wound — the one inflicted not just by neglect, but by forced reliving and invalidation. Every time they dismissed my evidence, they made me relive the abuse. Every time they ignored the truth, they reinforced the lie that my suffering did not matter.

    Traumatic invalidation is not just painful — it is corrosive. It erodes self-worth. It forces victims to question their own reality. It deepens wounds that should have been healed long ago. Instead of protection, they gave me doubt. Instead of justice, they gave me silence.

    And yet they insist my investigation was not compromised.

    The Absurdity of the False Accusations

    It is incomprehensible that Sergeant Smith — a man with 38 years of service — has been accused of something not only false but logistically impossible.

    There was never a moment when he was alone in my house. I had two traumatised teenagers who barely slept, terrified of their ex-stepfather, taking knives to their rooms for protection. A toddler who slept beside me every night and clung to my side every day.

    The accusation that he was trying to form a sexual relationship with me is not just baseless — it is physically impossible. There was never an opportunity. There was never any privacy. There was never anything beyond professional kindness, support, and friendship.

    If I had been twenty years older, this would never have been framed this way.

    And yet he has been vilified — for simply doing his job. For treating me with dignity. For trying to help rebuild what had been shattered.

    They needed a target. Someone who fit their narrative. They could not prove what I believe “grooming” would describe. I screamed from the rooftops about what the rest of them had done. The original crime suddenly changed. It was as though they were hell-bent on burying him.

    The impact has been devastating.

    For him, a career built on integrity has been reduced to a smear campaign. For me, the weight of injustice is suffocating. Those entrusted with protecting us have chosen to collude with a perpetrator. They punish the innocent while shielding the guilty.

    Living with the Trauma

    Reflecting on the past year, I find it unbearable. I still cannot drive past PC Rolls without the trauma triggering an extensive response. I need sedation to sleep. I doubt he has any difficulty sleeping — he likely believes his own lies. My formal complaint surrounding his conduct will be published here.

    Others have endured the same. No one will ever understand what it is like to have such corruption plague your entire life. The journey is far from over. I have nothing to lose because they have already taken too much of me.

    I still have not watched television since 2023. I cannot sit, think, or live unless I am at work. It is the only place I find any respite from the torture they have put me through. My children have lost the mother I once was.

    I still document everything. When I am not writing, I attempt trauma processing. I have started a memoir of my life over the last 19 months, focused solely on West Mercia Police. It has to be slow — trauma-focused therapy wipes me out. But reading the first few chapters, I can see how far I have come.

    A Question of Humanity

    I have a recording of the hour-and-a-half conversation with the anti-corruption team when they arrived at my workplace. Listening to it tonight made me think about when one officer referenced being reprimanded for picking up glass. Was picking up glass part of his job? What was the enormous risk? Do you pick up glass at home safely? Did the victim have a dustpan and brush?

    Building a positive relationship with the police takes time, as does ensuring the safety of a vulnerable member of the public. If you judged it safe to sweep up some glass, doing so protected someone. Why is that considered wrong?

    It is not in my job description to do what I do some days. But I do it because I care. Protecting others is not just about sticking to a script — it is about looking at the big picture to prevent harm.

    Trauma is a relentless companion. But I believe the truth will eventually come to light. For now, wearing my mask is my only means of survival. Daily, I remind myself that the lies and corruption may be persistent — but they are not invincible.

    The truth will prevail. And those who have wronged will face some form of reckoning.

    A messy workspace featuring various binders, scattered papers, and handwritten notes, indicating research or documentation efforts related to an investigation.
    An email correspondence discussing coordination with a PVP officer regarding ongoing investigations, with a note about potentially missed information.
    My Lived Experience: A Personal Journey Through Trauma and Recovery
  • Living Behind the Mask: My Journey with PTSD

    Living Behind the Mask: My Journey with PTSD

    NAAVoices was not created from certainty, but from lived experience and professional insight. As I migrate earlier work from the original platform, this post has been reviewed and approved for transfer. It remains true to its original context, with only minor clarity edits where needed. Some moments do not require rewriting to remain honest.

    There’s a particular kind of exhaustion that comes with surviving trauma — not just the initial impact, but the daily reality of living in a world that no longer feels safe.

    For me, trauma arrived in two devastating waves. The first was domestic abuse that shattered my sense of home. The second was police corruption that destroyed my trust in the systems meant to protect us.

    Both left marks that don’t fade.

    The Weight of PTSD

    Over the last nineteen months, I’ve watched my children reclaim joy and safety. They laugh again. They sleep. They play. They are healing.

    My own path is far less straightforward.

    Trauma doesn’t politely fade. It lingers. It demands to be processed, only to tear you open again. Some days, surviving means nothing more than showing up — carrying pain that no one else can see.

    PTSD has dragged me through depths I never imagined. My body buckled under the strain: weight loss, sickness, collapse. There was no pause to heal — only the relentless fight to protect my children. Help was out of reach. No one understood the betrayal or the scale of what I was living.

    I blasted loud music just to drown out the memories, but they still crept in from every angle. People saw me functioning — talking, working, pretending.

    Flashbacks began in 2022, long before I escaped. Memories of control, threats, and fear overwhelmed me. My pain was dismissed, mocked as “night-time problems,” when all I wanted was rest. Leaving should have been freedom, but West Mercia Police’s failures forced me to relive everything I had survived.

    Living Behind a Mask

    People miss the mask — the “I’m okay” that hides the chaos.

    Some days, I laugh and even connect. For a moment, I feel a fragment of the person I used to be. Not whole, but present. A tiny piece of me that still exists.

    But fear lurks beneath the surface. One unexpected call, one stray thought, and everything unravels.

    Other days, every smile is forced. Every word is exhausting.

    Night-time brings its own dread. I’m too worn from faking normality to fight the torment carved into me by others’ actions. The memories replay with a clarity no sleeping tablet can touch — vivid, real, alive behind my eyelids. Every detail. Every mannerism. Every email. Every date. Every police interaction.

    PTSD never rests.

    Triggers strike without warning — a scent, a voice, or nothing at all. Good days trick me into believing a future free from this torment might exist. I try to plan, but without hope, planning feels pointless.

    Bad days stretch endlessly. Nights loop his words and the police’s failures on repeat. Sleep evades me because my body still doesn’t believe it’s safe.

    Nineteen months later, it’s worse than when I left.

    Unless you’ve lived this, “moving on” sounds hollow. If people could see the injury to the brain — the neuroplasticity — the way they see a broken bone, maybe I wouldn’t feel guilty for hurting invisibly.

    Dissociation: A Mind Adrift

    A patient unknowingly gave me the missing puzzle piece. They don’t know what I’ve lived through, but their words helped me understand my own life more than they’ll ever realise.

    They described something they experienced and named it: dissociation. And suddenly, everything clicked.

    It’s more than triggers. It’s worse than triggers.

    I can recall every time it’s happened, but I never understood it until now. My mind checks out, leaving me hollow. I’m behind glass — present but detached. Emotionally numb. Watching life from the outside.

    I don’t feel.

    Music, once my lifeline, now overwhelms me. Anything emotionally charged feels impossible to let in. What once protected me has become a barrier I can’t lower.

    When the Brain Shuts Down

    I wrote three times more than this. But I can’t keep going.

    That’s the reality of PTSD: when my brain shuts down, everything shuts down — thoughts, words, feelings.

    And that’s the part no one sees.

    My Lived Experience: A Personal Journey Through Trauma and Recovery
  • The Power of Truth: Advocating Against Police Misconduct

    The Power of Truth: Advocating Against Police Misconduct

    NAAVoices was not created from certainty, but from lived experience and professional insight. As I migrate earlier work from the original platform, this post has been reviewed and approved for transfer. It remains true to its original context, with only minor clarity edits where needed. Some moments do not require rewriting to remain honest.

    Walking Through the Corridor of Truth: A Journey of Pain, Corruption, and Resilience

    Last week, two friends unknowingly shared the same thought on the same day—the 11th. Little did they know that this date holds profound significance for me. It marked the day I walked down my work corridor. I confronted the shadows of my past. I decided I could no longer live a life haunted by trauma.

    A History of Abuse and Betrayal

    The trauma inflicted by my ex was deeply scarring. What worsened it was the role West Mercia Police played in exacerbating my pain. They forced me to relive the abuse countless times. From the outset, the first officer I encountered, PC Rolls, lied to my face. PC Finch, his mentee, followed. Fourteen months after disclosing coercive control and child abuse, my ex was still having sensitive information leaked. This continued the abuse via the family court. Their actions betrayed the trust I once placed in them.

    The Officer Who Stood Alone

    Midst the corruption, one officer emerged as a beacon of integrity. Out of five investigating officers and nineteen individuals I met in person, only he showed any level of integrity. He upheld the once misinformed perception of what I believed the police force stood for. He didn’t lie, leak information to my ex, or cause harm to me or my children. Yet in May 2024, this officer was arrested for misconduct in public office. The charge falsely named me as a victim.

    The Witch Hunt Against Sgt Smith

    The arrest of Sgt Smith marked another turning point in my life. I wondered how the police could proceed with my case. I refused to be used as a pawn in their crusade against him. Sgt Smith was one of the few who acted with humanity, choosing truth over corruption. Funnily enough, one of the superintendents he spoke out against years ago is linked to my ex’s family. It is a chilling connection that raised even more questions about the motives behind the investigation.

    The Toll of Manipulation and Corruption

    For 4 ½ years, I endured my ex’s threats of suicide whenever he didn’t get his way. My mental health suffered greatly for the first time in 34 years. Sgt Smith’s empathy helped me face the darkness. He could see through the masks and manipulation in those around me. This ability in society became a source of strength for me. It showed me that not all officers were out to harm others. There were others who had empathy and humanity and cared about the truth.

    I didn’t realise the extent of dishonesty and calculation within the police force. My friend had warned me not to trust the police when I left my ex. I believed in their integrity. How wrong I was. This week, she said something that hit me hard: “You know he will kill himself, don’t you?”

    Lives Forever Changed

    The day of Sgt Smith’s arrest transformed both our lives. The investigation into him felt less about justice and more like a witch hunt. It was a way for West Mercia Police to evade responsibility for their own failures.

    I knew that telling the truth was the only way to save him from being ruined. I grappled with this decision for a year. Finally, I sent an email to the CPS to expose the malicious nature of the investigation. They only managed to invent a new charge. They changed my status to ‘member of the public.’ They tried to find anything possible to bury him. Is this a way of cutting costs now? Bury those who actually protect victims?

    The Fight for Justice: Uncovering Neglect and Manipulation

    The evidence returned to me painted a picture of negligence. Confidential information was mishandled. Threats were followed through. Malicious accusations were exposed. Despite the fear and struggles, I found strength to navigate these challenges. The teens and toddler in my home motivated me. Now, I am trying to tell the truth for the one officer. This officer acted without any intent to harm.

    Raising the initial conduct complaint is where this all began. If PC Rolls had actually done his job, none of this would have happened. A role of 16 months and 6 officers in total were allocated to the initial complaint. The lies continue. The contradictions in letters from Professional Standards and the legal team reflect a system desperate to avoid responsibility.

    Resilience in the Face of Fear

    Despite daily struggles, my journey has to have some meaning. I ploughed myself into writing these days. My trauma journals are something I am immensely proud of. My ex spent over a year spreading lies. He attempted to destroy my kids and me. He was also colluding with West Mercia.

    I spent it trying to help myself understand psychopaths. How others inflict so much harm on others. But in doing so, I learned far more than I believed I could.

    Now, my sole purpose is to stop others from having to live as I have. I still continue on this journey. I have to highlight the importance of resilience.

    The fear and trauma I’ve endured have shaped my resolve to tell the truth and advocate for justice. This fight isn’t just for me—it’s for others who have suffered in silence.

    A Case of Contradictions and Neglect

    My case was dropped the Friday before the Sergeant was set to appear in court. It raised a crucial question. How could I be considered a victim in a coercive control case? At the same time, I was categorised as a “member of the public” in another. It was impossible.

    Instead of investigating the corruption and leaks that emerged 14 months after I left my ex, the focus shifted. The goal became destroying the reputation of a man who had done no wrong. The lies documented by PC Rolls remained unaddressed. The glaring contradictions between a letter from Professional Standards and another from the legal team were also ignored.

    To West Mercia Police, the Sergeant’s true “offence” seemed to be his refusal to act with malice. He did not attempt to push a victim further into the grave of despair. His integrity became the reason for the witch hunt against him.

    The first video I made was based on West Mercia Police, which was based on Officer Number 1.

    Now, there is no threat of suicide over me to control. I go to bed worried. The mask an innocent man is trying to wear is very much like the one I did. False

    Knocking on Midnight: A Year of Reflections and Revelations

    It’s now knocking on midnight. A year ago today, I wrote and sealed a letter to this officer. He never read it, nor was it needed, because of him. I later received all of my evidence back from my investigating officer. One thing became painfully clear. The 13 lever arch files of documents, in my case, hadn’t even been properly reviewed.

    The returned evidence included confidential communications between officers. It also contained the MARAC referral that my ex had fraudulently used to claim legal aid. This referral proved, beyond doubt, that they acted on the threat he and his father made to my nursing registration. The threat was linked to me reporting him to the police.

    The Lies and Manipulation Unveiled

    Thankfully, my workplace saw straight through it. But my ex, a master storyteller, had gone to great lengths this time—accusing me of something impossible to do. The malicious intent was easy to identify. How? He had informed me of it three weeks before my workplace even knew. His MARAC referral, packed with lies, had been completed just two days before the “anonymous” report was made.

    The depth of manipulation and dishonesty is exhausting. Every revelation heightens the fear I live with daily.

    One page of 7 red are lies I could prove from my ex….

    It’s heartbreaking that the officer who acted with humanity is facing repercussions. Because of him, my life and my children’s lives will never be the same, for better or for worse.

    I just hope that, where this all began, on the 21st of November, they gave an in-depth disclosure. They provided it to a call handler. It was also provided to PC Roll’s. I hope this never happens to him or his family. He has gone to such a level to lie his way out of this. If they ever need help or protection from others, those who ‘protect and serve’ are treated with humanity and competency. All systems should act positively, unlike he and his colleagues have. Otherwise, the world could be dangerous.

    How does West Mercia Police think failing the innocent is acceptable while shielding the corrupt?

    The officer showed humanity and deserves justice. He should not live a life traumatised. The same uniform and people he once protected should not cause him trauma.

    The scars left by corruption may never fully heal for him as they certainly haven’t eased for me

    They may never fully heal for me. However, my commitment to truth and accountability remains unwavering. Victims deserve a voice.

    I had that right removed from me. It almost cost me my life. The impact before his arrival and the treatment by West Mercia police after has made me question many things. But I can’t and won’t allow their lack of humanity, care, integrity, or competency to change who I am. I refuse to let them change how I treat others because, unlike those I have encountered. I have a conscience

    My Lived Experience: A Personal Journey Through Trauma and Recovery